It's sleeting/snowing/raining here and it's less than 30 degrees. That could mean no school tomorrow! I might have a break! I already had one test canceled and that means I get all weekend to study for it. Sadly it was the one I was better prepared for. Now I'm stuck with just MDC and an electronics quiz. The quiz won't be bad, but the MDC...I don't even know. I've been looking over stuff for the past couple of hours and need a break. It's going to knock my socks off. I hope I can pull off a C at this point, but I'm secretly hoping for a B.
Well a new situation with the girl down in NO. It appears her ex-bf decided to come down and take some pictures and chill for a bit. Yay for me. It just doesn't seem right for someone to still want to chill with their ex. It's over, that stage of life is done with. Why keep whatever it was going? I mean I talk from time to time to some of my exs but normally it's just "hi how are you doing?". Great. I don't go out of my way to see any of them, I've thought about it a few times, but I don't go through with it. It's not that it's awkward or full of resentment or anything, it's just that the relationship ended for a reason and therefore the level of friendship has fallen. The longer I'm away from an ex, the less I want to go see her. The friendship decreased. I guess if one of my exs lived close I might stay closer, but none of them do. Plus two of them are married, one is engaged and one is in another relationship. I know I how I feel about exs and don't really want to start anything with her boyfriend, mainly cause I'd hate to waste the effort on a lost cause. I don't understand that about Meg's ex, why doesn't he respect me enough to get gone and stay gone? I know she's told him I don't like him hanging around, so I almost feel insulted by his lingering, chilling with her parents, etc. But maybe he knows what she wants more than I do. Maybe he knows that his friendship with her is important and I've not gotten that yet. I don't know, but it doesn't seem right. If that's what she wants though...
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
No time
This week is going to be wild and crazy, I can tell already. I will make it through though, thanks in part to a wonderfully supportive girlfriend. We had a great time over break. It started out with her driving down from Bentonville to see me for a whole 15minutes. I then returned the favor and drove up there to watch some basketball and chill with her family for a bit. Nice people those Mattys.
Anyways she came to LR on Wednesday night and we went to the game on Friday. We played horribly and the refs were really bad. We ended up losing and it just ruined my night, plus the fact Texas lost to A&M. Geez what's happening here? But we had a lot of fun. At one point Megan left the game because it was too much for her, pansy.
Saturday we chilled around the house, started some fires, sat in the hot tub, played basketball and just enjoyed being together. That's the great thing about being with ones you love, you don't have to think or care about anything else. Well at least that was my excuse. hehehe. Okay well I don't have time to be typing on here. I've got start studying for my test tomorrow in Mechanics of Materials and then finish my project for Lab 1 and then study for MDC and fluids and somewhere in there plan a movie night and do homework for MDC due Wednesday and study for electronics. CRAP! Well it's cool. I'm not single and I'm never alone and I control how good or bad my day is going to be. ;) love ya.
Anyways she came to LR on Wednesday night and we went to the game on Friday. We played horribly and the refs were really bad. We ended up losing and it just ruined my night, plus the fact Texas lost to A&M. Geez what's happening here? But we had a lot of fun. At one point Megan left the game because it was too much for her, pansy.
Saturday we chilled around the house, started some fires, sat in the hot tub, played basketball and just enjoyed being together. That's the great thing about being with ones you love, you don't have to think or care about anything else. Well at least that was my excuse. hehehe. Okay well I don't have time to be typing on here. I've got start studying for my test tomorrow in Mechanics of Materials and then finish my project for Lab 1 and then study for MDC and fluids and somewhere in there plan a movie night and do homework for MDC due Wednesday and study for electronics. CRAP! Well it's cool. I'm not single and I'm never alone and I control how good or bad my day is going to be. ;) love ya.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Almost there
Man today is my last day of classes for a whole 5 days! I'm so pumped about not going to dumb ol MDC or electronics. I'm not so pumped about all the studying and homework I'll be doing over the break. It's really not that much, but it's enough to cringe slightly at the thought of it. More than anything I'm pumped about seeing Megan AND going to the LSU game with her. It's going to be a great game with a wonderful girl.
It's funny how much more you're into someone after a fight and makeup session. Once again, I instigated it with my "snide little remarks" as Megan so affectionately calls them. It started this morning with me calling for our morning prayer and her not being able to talk for 10 minutes or so because she had to take care of some stuff. When she called 15 minutes later I was a little upset. It caused me to miss breakfast, which I hardly ever get to eat. I guess more than that, I felt she was putting me on the back burner. I know she was busy doing stuff for Operation Nehemiah, but I felt like I wasn't as important. I know, I've got a bit of a self-esteem problem, but I've never seen it this bad. I don't know what it is. I feel confident about everything but keeping her. I guess I feel like I really lucked out with her and that luck's bound to run out. I dunno honestly. I do know I can't wait to go home and sleep on my too short leather stick-to-your-back couch and sleep late and take a bath and work on my car and see my family and maybe even sit in the hot tub. Now that sounds GOOD! Oh and let's not forget Megan. I CAN NOT wait to see her. I bet she's more beautiful than I remember. Have a great break and don't work too hard. Life's too unexpected to be stressed all the time. <---that may be why I'm struggling with a C in two classes eh?
It's funny how much more you're into someone after a fight and makeup session. Once again, I instigated it with my "snide little remarks" as Megan so affectionately calls them. It started this morning with me calling for our morning prayer and her not being able to talk for 10 minutes or so because she had to take care of some stuff. When she called 15 minutes later I was a little upset. It caused me to miss breakfast, which I hardly ever get to eat. I guess more than that, I felt she was putting me on the back burner. I know she was busy doing stuff for Operation Nehemiah, but I felt like I wasn't as important. I know, I've got a bit of a self-esteem problem, but I've never seen it this bad. I don't know what it is. I feel confident about everything but keeping her. I guess I feel like I really lucked out with her and that luck's bound to run out. I dunno honestly. I do know I can't wait to go home and sleep on my too short leather stick-to-your-back couch and sleep late and take a bath and work on my car and see my family and maybe even sit in the hot tub. Now that sounds GOOD! Oh and let's not forget Megan. I CAN NOT wait to see her. I bet she's more beautiful than I remember. Have a great break and don't work too hard. Life's too unexpected to be stressed all the time. <---that may be why I'm struggling with a C in two classes eh?
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Rolling...or not?
Well Starksville was beautiful. The campus of MSU was really pretty and flat. The day couldn't have been more perfect. It was warm with enough of a breeze to keep things cool. We left around 12:15am from campus here on Saturday morning. I sat through one movie before I crashed out for the trip. Our driver was crazy, he kept slipping up and hitting the horn and he was bad about drifting over onto the bumps on the side of the road and causing the bus to shake. I got a few hours of sleep and it was nice. When we arrived at MSU we ate some breakfast and walked around campus. Like I said, it was a pretty campus, regardless of the construction. It reminded me alot of A&M, mainly because it was flat with not alot of trees and a lot of open places. Ah...A&M, the one that got away. Well I'll save that story for another day I suppose.
The game went well too, except we played like crap. MSU held us for a while and honestly they shut our offense down. Our first two TDs came from a kickoff return and an interception. Anywho the stadium sucked. I went to the bathroom and essentially the urinal was a ditch near the wall of the bathroom. It was crazy dumb. So after the game we had 45 minutes to load the busses again.
On the way back, I sat behind Vanessa and Ryan again. We voted to stop in about 3 hours to eat. Well our vote was vetoed by ASG and we stopped in about 1.5 hours toe at at Taco Bell or McDs. 30 minutes after we left there the second bus broke down. Its waterpump went out and we stopped at a gas station to wait on a new bus. 3.5 hours later the other bus arrived and we left, at 12am. From there we blew into Faytown and made it here by 6am or so. I staggered to the room, showered, email Megan and went to bed. I woke up around 1:30 and only then because I wanted to eat lunch on Brough. Yum yum.
I'm tired. I'm tired of schoolwork on weekends, I'm tired of trying to figure out about ski trip, I'm tired of my girlfriend being away, I'm tired of tests after breaks. I am TIRED.
The game went well too, except we played like crap. MSU held us for a while and honestly they shut our offense down. Our first two TDs came from a kickoff return and an interception. Anywho the stadium sucked. I went to the bathroom and essentially the urinal was a ditch near the wall of the bathroom. It was crazy dumb. So after the game we had 45 minutes to load the busses again.
On the way back, I sat behind Vanessa and Ryan again. We voted to stop in about 3 hours to eat. Well our vote was vetoed by ASG and we stopped in about 1.5 hours toe at at Taco Bell or McDs. 30 minutes after we left there the second bus broke down. Its waterpump went out and we stopped at a gas station to wait on a new bus. 3.5 hours later the other bus arrived and we left, at 12am. From there we blew into Faytown and made it here by 6am or so. I staggered to the room, showered, email Megan and went to bed. I woke up around 1:30 and only then because I wanted to eat lunch on Brough. Yum yum.
I'm tired. I'm tired of schoolwork on weekends, I'm tired of trying to figure out about ski trip, I'm tired of my girlfriend being away, I'm tired of tests after breaks. I am TIRED.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
slipping into oblivion
I'm upset right now. I'm not sure exactly what set me off, but I'm not happy. I guess it started with waking up being a little warm. The heat's on in my room and the window doesn't help me cool much. Next I decided to print some stuff off for my history class. So I send two (2) copies of each thing and, guess what, one of each shows up. How lucky am I? I click to print, twiddle my thumbs, count to a million and still no papers. I head off to class without my printouts. I take a quiz I studied for since last week and I'm pretty sure it ate my lunch. I don't f care which party who belonged to in 1953. I DON'T CARE! It will not help me AT ALL! So then I come up to the room, still no papers. I email resnet for the third time, tell them to give up and tell them how the printer should be scrapped. Then I head to lunch. It's Brough, so nothing good to eat. I settle for a burger, and an ice cream sandwich. I guess I should be happy I have something to eat right? Well no! I pay 7.25 for this CRAP! I'm not a poor kid in cambodia. Anywho I have lab now and I don't want to be late, so I suppose I should go and rupture some cans, and whatnot. I am so mad right now about this day. There's RFC devo tonight, but I'm not sure I want to go. I'll spare you from all my reasons.
SO things took a turn for the better. I just got out of lab, only 1.5 hours later. That's nice and I had a decent time in there. It's my last lab and that makes me SUPER happy. NExt week is Thanksgiving break for a whole (hold your breath) 3 days. That's right, for three days the University of Arkansas is going to let us unlock our shackles and relax. Too bad the professors don't do the same. I've got at least 2 tests the next week. Anywho I do get to see my girlfriend, which is going to be quite nice. But I won't even get started on that.
SO things took a turn for the better. I just got out of lab, only 1.5 hours later. That's nice and I had a decent time in there. It's my last lab and that makes me SUPER happy. NExt week is Thanksgiving break for a whole (hold your breath) 3 days. That's right, for three days the University of Arkansas is going to let us unlock our shackles and relax. Too bad the professors don't do the same. I've got at least 2 tests the next week. Anywho I do get to see my girlfriend, which is going to be quite nice. But I won't even get started on that.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Woo Pig Sooieee
So the hogs won yesterday against Tennessee. It really wasn't even much of a game. I think we're now ranked number 5 or something in some polls. I don't know about that. I think the hogs are good, but they're not trustworthy. I'm not sure how much I'll ever trust them, but I am afraid from week to week that they're going to slip up and start playing like they normally do. We'll see I suppose. Nonetheless, the game was awesome. I got in line some Friday night and then go in line around 1130 on Saturday morning. It was pretty fun chillin there until the line converged into the mass of people. I was surrounded by idiotic drunk guys and some "not so smart" girls as well. It's rather annoying to have people drinking in public. They were cussing and yelling all sorts of things I felt ashamed of just hearing. I don't know why people feel they need to drink alcohol to be cool when really all they do is make themselves out to be idiots. I was deeply ashamed of those fans. At one point when one yelled something extremely offensive I lost it and turned around and told him to please not yell obsenities in my ear, and I didn't appreciate what he was saying. I turned around before he responded but I heard something about it being a football game and everyone doing it. That second line sounded oh so familiar. EVERYONE'S DOING IT! yay I think to when I said that to mom back in the day and the response of "well if everyone jumped off a bridge would you follow them?" I think back to that and realize how childish I was to think I needed to be just like everyone else to be cool. I know I probably still feel that way about some things, but I think now I know who I want to be and who helps me be that person a little better. I've got a great group of friends who each have something I want. From Kara always being in such a great mood to Jordan being so easy going to Joe just being fine being a dork. Now I know they probably all have things I don't want, but I know I like those things and they agree with my morals. I think being like everyone else is never a great thing, but then being yourself is many times reflected by who you hang out with. For instance, I don't particularly like reading but Megan does. Well I find myself more and more wanting to read stuff to have conversation pieces for her. I don't see that so much as not being myself as just trying something new for myself. It's good to grow and absorb things that can help your wellbeing. okay I don't think any of that made sense, but oh well. I'm trying to get to the fact that drinking excessively in public is dumb and it makes you look like less of a person. But I'm sure not everyone would agree with that.
Megan and I are struggling right now or maybe it's just me. I'm sick and tired of her not being here, mainly because she can't relate to things that are going on with me right now so she doesn't know what to say to make me feel better. Bless her for trying though, she's never been bad at that. Her perseverance is probably the real reason we're still together. I don't make it easy for her. I guess we're not struggling as far as keeping this together, but more struggling because we see each other's faults and call each other out on them. I don't know what to do. I miss her alot, because it's so much easier to handle it when she's telling me things face to face and I'm calling her out face to face. I miss her so much. I don't know what about her being here with me is what I need. Things just don't go wrong when she's around. She's so uplifting and loving. I've never been so close to someone and it's hard when that person isn't around to just smile because she knows why I'm saying what I'm saying or to hug me when she can see the disappointment in my facial expressions. I don't know if it's normal to miss someone like this. I don't know if there's something wrong here I don't see. Some sort of link missing in my life so that I need another person so bad. I'm afraid I'm too dependent on people, but I don't need her to function it just makes things overall more interesting and easy. I need someone here to slap me and tell me to smile or make me laugh so all my cares go out the door or threaten to leave if I don't study/do homework. Anyway, I'm going to prove to myself I can make a LDR work and I'm going to show that special someone how much I love her.
"you're the only one I ever believed in
the answer that could never be found,
the moment you decided to let love in."
-let love in -GooGoo Dolls
Megan and I are struggling right now or maybe it's just me. I'm sick and tired of her not being here, mainly because she can't relate to things that are going on with me right now so she doesn't know what to say to make me feel better. Bless her for trying though, she's never been bad at that. Her perseverance is probably the real reason we're still together. I don't make it easy for her. I guess we're not struggling as far as keeping this together, but more struggling because we see each other's faults and call each other out on them. I don't know what to do. I miss her alot, because it's so much easier to handle it when she's telling me things face to face and I'm calling her out face to face. I miss her so much. I don't know what about her being here with me is what I need. Things just don't go wrong when she's around. She's so uplifting and loving. I've never been so close to someone and it's hard when that person isn't around to just smile because she knows why I'm saying what I'm saying or to hug me when she can see the disappointment in my facial expressions. I don't know if it's normal to miss someone like this. I don't know if there's something wrong here I don't see. Some sort of link missing in my life so that I need another person so bad. I'm afraid I'm too dependent on people, but I don't need her to function it just makes things overall more interesting and easy. I need someone here to slap me and tell me to smile or make me laugh so all my cares go out the door or threaten to leave if I don't study/do homework. Anyway, I'm going to prove to myself I can make a LDR work and I'm going to show that special someone how much I love her.
"you're the only one I ever believed in
the answer that could never be found,
the moment you decided to let love in."
-let love in -GooGoo Dolls
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Cabin Crash 2006
This weekend utterly destroyed any notions of fun I had beforehand. It was AMAZING! It started with an excellent drive down some curvy mountain roads with a posse of beautiful cars behind me. We stopped at Fred's in Yellville and acted so dumb. Then we arrived and built a fire and I had an angel jump into my arms and kiss me. We had an excellent meal and then played a game called "dirty minds". After the realization that my team was going to rock all the other teams, we decided to not keep score but just play and laugh and see what happened. The laughter culminated with Chris Deal laughing so hard he was crying and couldn't read the "dirty" clues. It was so good times. We all retired rather early, 2 or so I think. There were barely enough beds, but no one complained. I got to cuddle next to my amazing girlfriend and I knew everyone in the cabin knew there was no foul play going on in our room. It's an amazing thing to crawl into bed with your girlfriend and know that no rumors will be started because everyone knows you well enough to know you're not going to do anything "bad".
Saturday started off rather early, with the early bird Ms. Matty waking me up to cook breakfast for everyone. We had breakfast and then a quick lunch and Megan and I went to Mtn. Home to watch her brother play some basketball. As soon as we got to the gym, her dad took me back to their house to unload some stuff from a trailer. We had a nice chat and I decided I'm really not so afraid of her dad, even though I feel like he's trying to break my hand everytime we shake. After the game, we ran to get some groceries for fajitas. We then met back up with most of the group to watch Saw III. It was much more gory than the others, but still quite good. The end infuriated me, but of course had a nice twist. Then the whole group met up at Meg's new house to eat and watch the Hogs play. The game was close towards the end, which made for a nice suspenseful game. We had some amazing chicken fajitas and cheese dip and great company at the Matty household. Both her mom and dad were extremely nice, no surprise and invited us back anytime we could. We then headed back to the cabin and played some Mafia. That didn't last long, as everyone was tired and we had church the next morning.
Church was something else. Everyone was up and going and we drove down an extremely curvy and wet road to the Caney church of Christ. It was a small church of about 40 or so people, so when we walked in with 9 people, it was interesting. Everyone behaved themselves well and we went back to the cabin for lunch. Around 2 or so everyone started cleaning up and packing. They left around 3. I stayed behind for some alone time with Megan. We cleaned the cabin up and then napped for a bit. I had homework due Monday so I had to leave around 6pm. It could've possibly been the hardest thing I've done in a long, long time. I fought back tears, to no avail and drove off. The ride back was full of thinking and a bit of sadness. It won't be nearly as long until I see her again and I kind of feel like she's finally starting to miss me like I miss her. She's already talking about the next time we see each other. Hopefully we are able to spend lots of time over xmas break together, cause spring semester is going to be SUPER tough with her in Germany. I'm glad I'm making some good relationships with new people to keep me smiling and comforted.
Speaking of new friends, this one isn't too new but a great blessing in my life right now. She's been like a little sister to me since we really met and a few people have noted that she could easily fill the part. Kara Moore and I talk quite often and today we spent about 30 minutes talking about relationships and religion and our Christian paths. She's struggling with stagnation in faith and I feel like I'm on the diving board about to spring at the right opportunity. I recently started praying with Megan more often and we're also carrying on a Bible study of acts right now. I feel so confident in our relationship when I get done discussing the Bible or talking to God with her. My small group Bible study on Thursday night has been a huge blessing. It's growing by the week and I'm very happy to see God working through it. Recently a good friend of mine, Steven, asked me about attenting devo with me on Tuesday nights and getting more involved with church. I hope that this will lead to another spirit revived in Christ. Friends are an amazing thing and I love them all, especially my best friend in the whole, wide world-Megan.
Saturday started off rather early, with the early bird Ms. Matty waking me up to cook breakfast for everyone. We had breakfast and then a quick lunch and Megan and I went to Mtn. Home to watch her brother play some basketball. As soon as we got to the gym, her dad took me back to their house to unload some stuff from a trailer. We had a nice chat and I decided I'm really not so afraid of her dad, even though I feel like he's trying to break my hand everytime we shake. After the game, we ran to get some groceries for fajitas. We then met back up with most of the group to watch Saw III. It was much more gory than the others, but still quite good. The end infuriated me, but of course had a nice twist. Then the whole group met up at Meg's new house to eat and watch the Hogs play. The game was close towards the end, which made for a nice suspenseful game. We had some amazing chicken fajitas and cheese dip and great company at the Matty household. Both her mom and dad were extremely nice, no surprise and invited us back anytime we could. We then headed back to the cabin and played some Mafia. That didn't last long, as everyone was tired and we had church the next morning.
Church was something else. Everyone was up and going and we drove down an extremely curvy and wet road to the Caney church of Christ. It was a small church of about 40 or so people, so when we walked in with 9 people, it was interesting. Everyone behaved themselves well and we went back to the cabin for lunch. Around 2 or so everyone started cleaning up and packing. They left around 3. I stayed behind for some alone time with Megan. We cleaned the cabin up and then napped for a bit. I had homework due Monday so I had to leave around 6pm. It could've possibly been the hardest thing I've done in a long, long time. I fought back tears, to no avail and drove off. The ride back was full of thinking and a bit of sadness. It won't be nearly as long until I see her again and I kind of feel like she's finally starting to miss me like I miss her. She's already talking about the next time we see each other. Hopefully we are able to spend lots of time over xmas break together, cause spring semester is going to be SUPER tough with her in Germany. I'm glad I'm making some good relationships with new people to keep me smiling and comforted.
Speaking of new friends, this one isn't too new but a great blessing in my life right now. She's been like a little sister to me since we really met and a few people have noted that she could easily fill the part. Kara Moore and I talk quite often and today we spent about 30 minutes talking about relationships and religion and our Christian paths. She's struggling with stagnation in faith and I feel like I'm on the diving board about to spring at the right opportunity. I recently started praying with Megan more often and we're also carrying on a Bible study of acts right now. I feel so confident in our relationship when I get done discussing the Bible or talking to God with her. My small group Bible study on Thursday night has been a huge blessing. It's growing by the week and I'm very happy to see God working through it. Recently a good friend of mine, Steven, asked me about attenting devo with me on Tuesday nights and getting more involved with church. I hope that this will lead to another spirit revived in Christ. Friends are an amazing thing and I love them all, especially my best friend in the whole, wide world-Megan.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
I'm so excited...
I don't have much to say at this ungodly hour except that I'm thinking nonstop about seeing Megan this weekend and partying it up at the cabin with everyone. I'm a little upset about Vanessa and Ryan bailing at the last minute, but it'll be their losses. I'm ready to do it!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Oh yeah
I've been struggling alot lately with jealousy/distrust and forgiveness. I don't know what has gotten into me. I've been doing a better job of containing it, but I still feel it nagging at me. I want so badly for it to disappear, but I guess I'm not there yet. I wish I didn't put Megan through the things I do because I can't deal, but I do nonetheless. I keep praying about it, and it seems to get better and then it plummets again. Sometimes it's triggers, but sometimes it just happens. Am I suppose to feel this way from time to time? I know I'm not normal but is feeling the way I feel sometimes normal? I'm trying...
Hm...I ponder shall I wander?
It's beautiful here. I'm not really a nature fanatic and most people would agree, but it's absolutely gorgeous here right now. The trees are in all sorts of shades of orange, red, yellow and green. I drove down Dickson this weekend and noted 27.4 people on Old Main lawn taking pictures. I should take a few myself and post them, but we'll see. I'm not sure there will be any leaves come tomorrow morning anyways after the MASSIVE wind today. I swear it grabbed my pants and carried me into some people. I could've flown a kite to the moon today. I'm sure the wind was blowing even in space. It blew so hard I kicked a soccer ball straight up from midfield and it score a goal for us. Crazy eh?
Speaking of crazy, I'm going crazy waiting for this weekend. I'm SO excited about seeing Megan and laying a big, wet juicy smile on her. That's right, it's big and since there's going to be some good food, it'll be wet too. So yeah I've been thinking of her for the past million years and I'm ready to see her in...egad! person. It's like waiting for Christmas, except no returns or snow or decorating a tree, and for that matter no wrapping paper...so I guess it's not like Christmas at all. Except that it will take FOREVER to get here.
Man I've got a ton to talk about on here. I think I'm honestly just avoiding my electronics homework. I will do it later today I suppose. So I'm kinda worried about this Xmas break. We're having a hard time deciding the arrangements for the 2nd annual ski trip to Jordan's house. Many ppl from last year aren't going and many more want to go. The problem arises in that we can't really split up the group too well and we can't have too many people going. I may end up calling a few guys, hopping into a car and just driving there. No planning. But the money comes into the picture. I'm really wanting to get some stuff for the ol' white lightening, so I dunno. I can feel some jealousy coming on for Megan being with the RFCs, so I've got to get a cap on that. I don't know if we'll be able to meet up for skiing this year or not. I'm so horribly bad, I'm not sure I want her to see me board. So if I were to go to the resort, we might ride a lift together and then I'd be on my own the rest of the time, which would defeat the purpose of going in the first place. So I'm not sure how it's all going to work out. What's to say we'll even be together then? So I guess I shouldn't worry about it until it gets here. I do know I want to go to Jordan's and board some more. Hm....well I think this is it for a bit. Halloween is today and I really don't have big plans. I wish she was here to go trick or treating with me. Otherwise it looks like no candy for me. I've got to work the Gregson basement halloween thing anywho. Over and OUT.
Speaking of crazy, I'm going crazy waiting for this weekend. I'm SO excited about seeing Megan and laying a big, wet juicy smile on her. That's right, it's big and since there's going to be some good food, it'll be wet too. So yeah I've been thinking of her for the past million years and I'm ready to see her in...egad! person. It's like waiting for Christmas, except no returns or snow or decorating a tree, and for that matter no wrapping paper...so I guess it's not like Christmas at all. Except that it will take FOREVER to get here.
Man I've got a ton to talk about on here. I think I'm honestly just avoiding my electronics homework. I will do it later today I suppose. So I'm kinda worried about this Xmas break. We're having a hard time deciding the arrangements for the 2nd annual ski trip to Jordan's house. Many ppl from last year aren't going and many more want to go. The problem arises in that we can't really split up the group too well and we can't have too many people going. I may end up calling a few guys, hopping into a car and just driving there. No planning. But the money comes into the picture. I'm really wanting to get some stuff for the ol' white lightening, so I dunno. I can feel some jealousy coming on for Megan being with the RFCs, so I've got to get a cap on that. I don't know if we'll be able to meet up for skiing this year or not. I'm so horribly bad, I'm not sure I want her to see me board. So if I were to go to the resort, we might ride a lift together and then I'd be on my own the rest of the time, which would defeat the purpose of going in the first place. So I'm not sure how it's all going to work out. What's to say we'll even be together then? So I guess I shouldn't worry about it until it gets here. I do know I want to go to Jordan's and board some more. Hm....well I think this is it for a bit. Halloween is today and I really don't have big plans. I wish she was here to go trick or treating with me. Otherwise it looks like no candy for me. I've got to work the Gregson basement halloween thing anywho. Over and OUT.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Working on a full house...with a hand full of jacks
It's almost the weekend!!! This week wasn't too bad, or at least the latter part wasn't it. I had a a quiz and test Monday and a test Wednesday. I think I did decent on the one today but Monday's weren't too good. I'm going to struggle to pull A's in most of my classes, but after my last test in MechEMat I only need a 65 to get an A in there. I'm happy about that. So that and lab 1 and hopefully history will be As for sure. I don't know about MDC and electronics, it'll depend mostly on the curve in those classes. I've not been doing too great in either, but neither has anyone else. It just kinda stinks that I don't know how I'll end up in those classes. All I know is the rest of the week is up in the air. I've got nothing due, minus MDC which I am almost done with, until next week. I'm reviewing some electronics and reading history, but otherwise I'm finished for the week and that makes me very, very happy. It's a shame I didn't plan on going home this weekend, instead of sacrificing study time last weekend to go home.
I gotta tell ya, this long distance thing with Megan is getting old. I'm tired of everything. I sincerely like her, but geez another couple months of this and I'll be old and grey. It's not killing me, but it's a nuisance and it aggrivates me more than anything. I tried to avoid this situation and look what happens. I just keep thinking back to this one time she said something about us not being married and I agree 100% now. We're NOT married, so why do I deal with this poop? Love. I dunno why I can't keep my mind off her, why I can't not do things for her even when she doesn't return the favor. I do know that when I am tired and lonely, she's not around to hug me or give me a smile and tell me everything's going to be okay. But then, maybe I don't need that anyways. I guess the ultimate question right now is "Is she worth it?" Right now-yes, later-we'll see. Over and out.
I gotta tell ya, this long distance thing with Megan is getting old. I'm tired of everything. I sincerely like her, but geez another couple months of this and I'll be old and grey. It's not killing me, but it's a nuisance and it aggrivates me more than anything. I tried to avoid this situation and look what happens. I just keep thinking back to this one time she said something about us not being married and I agree 100% now. We're NOT married, so why do I deal with this poop? Love. I dunno why I can't keep my mind off her, why I can't not do things for her even when she doesn't return the favor. I do know that when I am tired and lonely, she's not around to hug me or give me a smile and tell me everything's going to be okay. But then, maybe I don't need that anyways. I guess the ultimate question right now is "Is she worth it?" Right now-yes, later-we'll see. Over and out.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Making it by
This week's gone by fast. It's not been too bad of a week. I had most of my tests/quizzes last week so this week is just a clean-up week. I do, however, have a test Friday in MechEMat and a test in fluids Monday, following my quiz in electronics. I am not too worried about the mm test, I've been studying all week. The fluids shouldn't be too tough either, but I'm going home this weekend so I don't know how much time I'll have to study. Electronics is still a self-taught class. I did some of the homework tonight and it isn't too bad, but I don't really know what we're doing in there. That seems to be the general consensus though. It kinda sucks having classes with curves, because I'm doing poorly in them, but I know if I can stay with or ahead of the pack I will be okay. It's that way in electronics- I've got a 60 or so but I know the highest average I've heard is a 73. That puts me around a B in there. So I dunno.
Tomorrow will mark one year for Megan and I. It's been a crazy year. I've been confronted by park rangers for starting fires, stood in front of St. Basil's cathedral, played in "caves", made more collages than ever before and never been happier. It's not always happiness though. I think back to this summer, with Megan going hiking. That was tough for me. I know God was watching out for me when he cut the first trip short and didn't allow the second one to happen. I've never been so proud of myself for allowing my girlfriend to do that and at the same time felt so violated. Those were some tough days, this summer. Now I'm here at Fayetteville, while she's down in New Orleans saving the world. hehehe, it's funny how I am always led blindly into relationships that involve distance. I'm going to stick this one out, I think. I gave up in the past and I regret it sometimes. Meg is too great/awesome to give up on. I know we'll have much more of this kind of thing to deal with in the future, but I know if I can make this and next semester, I'll be on the right path to dealing with problems later. Plus I'm discovering more about myself than I ever thought I would. I am seeing I do have a jealousy problem, I am too dependent on others for support and I need to spend more time with God. I've never prayed as much as I have this semester. Some days are just really tough for some reason, both because of classes and a loaded schedule and because of Meg being gone. I'm making it through them, though, thanks to God and our relationship. Megan's doing a great job of helping as well. Listening to my complaints, and never telling me to shut up. She really is great at that.
Anywho, I'm going home this weekend. It's my birthday on Saturday and we're going to *sigh* Magic Springs. I really don't know why my parents want me home, I suspect it is to keep me sober or something, but I'm hoping for a surprise. Like a huge banner wishing me a happy birthday or a large box with Megan secretly hiding in or a Lotus exige!!! How exciting! More than likely, they just want to keep me alcohol free for a few more days. I will get to see my other girlfriend, Patsie, at church. She should be about 5 ft tall and probably still jealous of Megan. hehehe, good times. Have a great weekend!
Tomorrow will mark one year for Megan and I. It's been a crazy year. I've been confronted by park rangers for starting fires, stood in front of St. Basil's cathedral, played in "caves", made more collages than ever before and never been happier. It's not always happiness though. I think back to this summer, with Megan going hiking. That was tough for me. I know God was watching out for me when he cut the first trip short and didn't allow the second one to happen. I've never been so proud of myself for allowing my girlfriend to do that and at the same time felt so violated. Those were some tough days, this summer. Now I'm here at Fayetteville, while she's down in New Orleans saving the world. hehehe, it's funny how I am always led blindly into relationships that involve distance. I'm going to stick this one out, I think. I gave up in the past and I regret it sometimes. Meg is too great/awesome to give up on. I know we'll have much more of this kind of thing to deal with in the future, but I know if I can make this and next semester, I'll be on the right path to dealing with problems later. Plus I'm discovering more about myself than I ever thought I would. I am seeing I do have a jealousy problem, I am too dependent on others for support and I need to spend more time with God. I've never prayed as much as I have this semester. Some days are just really tough for some reason, both because of classes and a loaded schedule and because of Meg being gone. I'm making it through them, though, thanks to God and our relationship. Megan's doing a great job of helping as well. Listening to my complaints, and never telling me to shut up. She really is great at that.
Anywho, I'm going home this weekend. It's my birthday on Saturday and we're going to *sigh* Magic Springs. I really don't know why my parents want me home, I suspect it is to keep me sober or something, but I'm hoping for a surprise. Like a huge banner wishing me a happy birthday or a large box with Megan secretly hiding in or a Lotus exige!!! How exciting! More than likely, they just want to keep me alcohol free for a few more days. I will get to see my other girlfriend, Patsie, at church. She should be about 5 ft tall and probably still jealous of Megan. hehehe, good times. Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Craziness
It's been one crazy week and I'm happy it's almost over. I had a test in MDC which rocked my world. I thought I knew the stuff, but apparently none of us knew anything. It was a huge relief to have it over with though. Tomorrow is my midterm in history and it's an actual midterm, so I'm a little anxious to see how it goes. I've been studying on and off since last Thursday, so I think I'll do okay. I've just got to get a grip on everything's place in history.
Meg and I had a nice little discussion tonight. I really started something with no clue where I was going and once again felt a little less like a boyfriend afterwards. I swear she's perfect, but I always manage to find something to gripe about. She seldom asks anything of me, and I always seem to be asking her for stuff. I really don't know what my deal is. I've done the same things in the past, but never to this extent. I don't know where this relationship is going, but I hope I can find a way to improve things for us. I really enjoy every minute of talk with her, but it's when we're not talking that I start taking the off road courses. We've been together for almost a year and although I feel like we've grown in leaps and bounds, I feel we've got a long ways to go. Correction, I've got a long ways to go. I really need to learn to be more of a boyfriend in heart and mind and concentrate less on being the romantic guy. It does no good to be the sweetest thing in the world if I'm not going to back it up with something more substantial. I really do feel like I love her, but sometimes I wonder if I even know what love is to be saying I love her. I'm trying, nonetheless, and I know that's got to count for something. I'm going to try all I've got to be better than she'd ever expect.
Well I suppose it's off to work for me. It's going to be a fun shift, packed with suspence and glamour. I'll be getting ready for this history test, and doing lots of praying. After this it's smooth sailing and that is something I am VERY, VERY thankful for. Speaking of thankful, I talked to my dad today and he always brings a smile to face when he calls for little or no apparent reason. What a guy that dad of mine! I'm going home next weekend for my birthday and I'm actually really looking forward to it. Probably giving Cory's girl a ride to the house, so that'll make for an interesting ride. heheheh. Have a great day.
Meg and I had a nice little discussion tonight. I really started something with no clue where I was going and once again felt a little less like a boyfriend afterwards. I swear she's perfect, but I always manage to find something to gripe about. She seldom asks anything of me, and I always seem to be asking her for stuff. I really don't know what my deal is. I've done the same things in the past, but never to this extent. I don't know where this relationship is going, but I hope I can find a way to improve things for us. I really enjoy every minute of talk with her, but it's when we're not talking that I start taking the off road courses. We've been together for almost a year and although I feel like we've grown in leaps and bounds, I feel we've got a long ways to go. Correction, I've got a long ways to go. I really need to learn to be more of a boyfriend in heart and mind and concentrate less on being the romantic guy. It does no good to be the sweetest thing in the world if I'm not going to back it up with something more substantial. I really do feel like I love her, but sometimes I wonder if I even know what love is to be saying I love her. I'm trying, nonetheless, and I know that's got to count for something. I'm going to try all I've got to be better than she'd ever expect.
Well I suppose it's off to work for me. It's going to be a fun shift, packed with suspence and glamour. I'll be getting ready for this history test, and doing lots of praying. After this it's smooth sailing and that is something I am VERY, VERY thankful for. Speaking of thankful, I talked to my dad today and he always brings a smile to face when he calls for little or no apparent reason. What a guy that dad of mine! I'm going home next weekend for my birthday and I'm actually really looking forward to it. Probably giving Cory's girl a ride to the house, so that'll make for an interesting ride. heheheh. Have a great day.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Where am I
I just finished watching "Lady in the Water" and I've got to tell you that the movie always gets to me. It's about finding your place in life, finding a purpose and it really inspires me to do more. Sometimes I struggle with being worth anything and finding the reason for myself, but that movie shows me that my true purpose might not being what I expect. It's not a typical movie, but you should watch it and watch it as more than just a movie. It's an idea.
Anyways, this week has been good. I had a quiz in history and that's really it. Next week, on the other hand, could be a little rough. I've got a test in history, one of two, and a test in MDC, one of seven or so. The history test is Thursday and I'm not too worried, although I WILL be studying. The MDC test is pretty crucial, but the real crucial one is the electronics quiz. I only have quizzes and the final in there. Right now I'm barely pulling a 52 in there, but hopefully I can knock out this quiz and do a little better. Pray for me.
Well it's been about five days since Meg left and I'm missing her. I missed her alot while watching that movie, bc I watched in theaters with her and we had a nice chat about it. Anywho, I'm stuck on some more mellow songs right now. I'd suggest
Congratulations- blue october
Chasing cars- snow patrol
I've been alternating between them alot, even though they're not really my genre of choice. I hope you have a great weekend and you tell someone you love them. It'll be better for everyone.
Anyways, this week has been good. I had a quiz in history and that's really it. Next week, on the other hand, could be a little rough. I've got a test in history, one of two, and a test in MDC, one of seven or so. The history test is Thursday and I'm not too worried, although I WILL be studying. The MDC test is pretty crucial, but the real crucial one is the electronics quiz. I only have quizzes and the final in there. Right now I'm barely pulling a 52 in there, but hopefully I can knock out this quiz and do a little better. Pray for me.
Well it's been about five days since Meg left and I'm missing her. I missed her alot while watching that movie, bc I watched in theaters with her and we had a nice chat about it. Anywho, I'm stuck on some more mellow songs right now. I'd suggest
Congratulations- blue october
Chasing cars- snow patrol
I've been alternating between them alot, even though they're not really my genre of choice. I hope you have a great weekend and you tell someone you love them. It'll be better for everyone.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Bikes, Blues and a Lovely Girlfriend
This weekend was busy! First, Megan came into town on Friday, which was amazing. She gets more and more beautiful everytime I see her. We went to Fall retreat in Eureka Springs and it was great. I relaxed and had a lot of fun sitting around the fire, praying, hearing John Gay talk and sharing stories with everyone. It's so amazing to be in Christian fellowship with other people who are suffering just like me. I talked to Chris Nelson, who's girlfriend is in Greece. We had a nice chat about dealing with LDRs and I felt encouraged to know he's making it through. Granted he probably doesn't have the "go everywhere" girlfriend I do, but he presented some good ideas for communication. We left the retreat early and went to Bikes, Blue and Barbeque. That was great because it's basically where Megan and I started dating. Things just went from there and I haven't looked back.
Sunday we went to church and then ate at Smoky Bones. It was some good time bbq. I could actually use a little right now. Good stuff! Then we played some football at 6 and didn't do too great. Only 4 girls showed, but they played their butts off. Then it happened, Megan left. She wanted to get home to chill with her family, which I was a little jealous of, but I know they were happy to see her. Hopefully I won't find out that she hung out too much with "him" but we'll see. I'm so happy with her right now, I don't see it making things get too crazy.
Tonight we had another football game. It was a busy day for me: working homework, sleeping, etc. We played great in our game though. We went into overtime and ended up losing 27-24 to the number 2 team in the league, so I was pretty happy. I'd really like a W, but I guess we've got next week. Right now Joe is out and Jordan is at about 45%. They both hurt their ankles, so maybe they'll be healed up by next week. Anyways, I've got some other stuff to take care of before my shift is over. This is going to be nice week, as opposed to the past 3 or so. I do have a quiz in history on Thursday and a MDC test next Wednesday, but I'll take those in stride and try not to load myself down.
Sunday we went to church and then ate at Smoky Bones. It was some good time bbq. I could actually use a little right now. Good stuff! Then we played some football at 6 and didn't do too great. Only 4 girls showed, but they played their butts off. Then it happened, Megan left. She wanted to get home to chill with her family, which I was a little jealous of, but I know they were happy to see her. Hopefully I won't find out that she hung out too much with "him" but we'll see. I'm so happy with her right now, I don't see it making things get too crazy.
Tonight we had another football game. It was a busy day for me: working homework, sleeping, etc. We played great in our game though. We went into overtime and ended up losing 27-24 to the number 2 team in the league, so I was pretty happy. I'd really like a W, but I guess we've got next week. Right now Joe is out and Jordan is at about 45%. They both hurt their ankles, so maybe they'll be healed up by next week. Anyways, I've got some other stuff to take care of before my shift is over. This is going to be nice week, as opposed to the past 3 or so. I do have a quiz in history on Thursday and a MDC test next Wednesday, but I'll take those in stride and try not to load myself down.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Almost there
Finally, a break! I finished up most of my homework for this week and I have, hopefully, no more tests or quizzes for a little bit. I was really stressed on Tuesday night, but now I'm floating. Meg's going to be here tomorrow and I'm sooooooo (^100) excited. I've missed her dearly and had thoughts from time to time of whether it's worth it, but I've decided it is worth it. She's more than I could ever expect to get on my own, which is why I thank God for her every chance I get. I could honestly go on about her for about a 805 words, but I'll spare you to the mushy details. I didn't talk to her on the phone today until midnight and I gotta tell you, I missed not talking to her before that. I watch Tokyo Drift, which we watched in theaters this summer, and thought about my car, in the shop, and her. She's such an amazing girl, that Megan.
Enough of that. This weekend's looking to be quite promising. Going camping with the RFCs for
Friday night, BBandBBQ on Saturday night and Megan's going to be around all weekend!!! It's funny that this keeps going back to her, but now that my car's MIA and work is down, she's numero uno in my book. We actually had our first date at bike, blues and bbq last year. I bought her some bbq and only had enough money left over to get myself a drink. I was so nervous and kept planning every touch: a gentle touch on the back through crowds, a bump here and there. You know I still do that from time to time, which is what amazes me about this relationship. I still compete for her, still get jittery when I meet up with her, still can't believe she's interested.
Football practice was today too. It was quite interesting with all 8 of us there. Most people had excuses, but a few did not and that's what really aggrivates me. Honestly with just the 8 of us, we couldnt get most of the things I'd like done. We always have fun though and I really respect those who make it to practice so regularly. I know how busy ppl get. Boy do I know.
Enough of that. This weekend's looking to be quite promising. Going camping with the RFCs for
Friday night, BBandBBQ on Saturday night and Megan's going to be around all weekend!!! It's funny that this keeps going back to her, but now that my car's MIA and work is down, she's numero uno in my book. We actually had our first date at bike, blues and bbq last year. I bought her some bbq and only had enough money left over to get myself a drink. I was so nervous and kept planning every touch: a gentle touch on the back through crowds, a bump here and there. You know I still do that from time to time, which is what amazes me about this relationship. I still compete for her, still get jittery when I meet up with her, still can't believe she's interested.
Football practice was today too. It was quite interesting with all 8 of us there. Most people had excuses, but a few did not and that's what really aggrivates me. Honestly with just the 8 of us, we couldnt get most of the things I'd like done. We always have fun though and I really respect those who make it to practice so regularly. I know how busy ppl get. Boy do I know.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Yay Engineering!
Man today was a toughie. I got to sleep more because I didn't work, and I thought the day was going to go good. It started out nice. I met some nice twins in history and the class was actually interesting. So everything was good. Then I went to meet up with my lab group and got stuff ready for our report. That came along nicely and we turned it in on time. Lab itself was a bit pointless, but we still had some fun. Then I left lab and started homework due tomorrow. I started at 6 or so and I'm done now at 945. My eyes burn and my brain hurts. I miss my girlfriend and there's a possibility I don't see her this weekend as much as I'd like. I don't know what to think about that and personally I'm not going to think anymore about it. My thinking has been shot for the day. And it all started so good.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Jealousy
I've got a problem I've decided. I am a jealous boyfriend. I've always been protective of my girlfriends, but never this much. It infuriates me to think about Megan's ex chilling with her or talking to her. I don't know why really. So I took steps and I know Megan's password to her mail account and I check it from time to time. So everything was going great, I had times I thought she was kinda putting me off to talk to other people, but I was always wrong and things were going good. Then I get on there today and notice an email to her ex thanking him for something or another and realize she's not talking to him on chat or email, so that leaves one option-phone. That's something I can't really monitor. Geez when I say that, I sound like a real Big Brother type boyfriend. Maybe I am.
Why am I so bent out of shape over this? I know she's mine, but yet I still get mad about this stupid stuff. I don't know what to do. I feel like breaking up will hurt me more than help me, but yet I hate to constantly rag her about dumb stuff like this. I don't know, i just don't know. I will try to hold my temper, my tongue and whatever else, but I feel like a failure for once again feeling this way about him and her. WHY? What am I afraid of? Honestly? 'fraid of being replaced? Jealous of him dating her longer than me? What is it? So many things are going on right now, I can't think of this. Actually writing this is helping me alot. I need a break and I need to see Megan again. Besides that, I'm great. I'm healthy, good looking (hehehe) and happy.
Happiness...that's what it's all about. I'm so happy being a servant to Megan. When I make her smile, I feel like a million dollars. That's why I will fight this to the end, because she deserves no less than mine or anyone else's best and I enjoy trying to give it to her. That is one thing I will cling to until the day this relationship crashes down. As long as I can keep that front and center and keep moving on, I know she'll keep loving me. And love will go a long, long way. I feel better. Thanks blog.
Why am I so bent out of shape over this? I know she's mine, but yet I still get mad about this stupid stuff. I don't know what to do. I feel like breaking up will hurt me more than help me, but yet I hate to constantly rag her about dumb stuff like this. I don't know, i just don't know. I will try to hold my temper, my tongue and whatever else, but I feel like a failure for once again feeling this way about him and her. WHY? What am I afraid of? Honestly? 'fraid of being replaced? Jealous of him dating her longer than me? What is it? So many things are going on right now, I can't think of this. Actually writing this is helping me alot. I need a break and I need to see Megan again. Besides that, I'm great. I'm healthy, good looking (hehehe) and happy.
Happiness...that's what it's all about. I'm so happy being a servant to Megan. When I make her smile, I feel like a million dollars. That's why I will fight this to the end, because she deserves no less than mine or anyone else's best and I enjoy trying to give it to her. That is one thing I will cling to until the day this relationship crashes down. As long as I can keep that front and center and keep moving on, I know she'll keep loving me. And love will go a long, long way. I feel better. Thanks blog.
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