Why??

I have been working out hardcore since the start of the semester. I lift on MWF and swim on TR. I can't tell, honestly. Apparently not many people can. I feel a little better, but not really. I have been trying to eat healthier, not much has changed physically. I wonder if sometimes I am genetically stuck with this body. I finally 100% cut sodas on Sunday. I also cut some other things that have been driving my life, but I won't go into that here. I hope cutting soda will help. I had already really cut down on them, but I suppose I needed to get rid of them completely. We'll see.

I don't understand why my resume doesn't get more hits. I honestly think it's because I don't have the skills I need in the workplace. Most companies want some sort of programming or design program exposure and we just don't have those here. Maybe I am being too selective. I have already turned down one offer and multiple other invitations to some companies. I just don't want to feel like I settled. I have an information session with Lockheed next week that I'm hopeful for. I would like to work for them in Camden; it would be cheap and fun. Also it would be a good foot in the door. I sent the main recruiter from there an email, so maybe that will help. I'm a hard worker, I just wish I could present that more on my resume.

I am not excited about spring break. I don't know why, I just don't look forward to it. It might have something to with the fact the my bank account is slowly dwindling, but it's not really. Speaking of money, I talked to my mom today about going on another foreign mission trip to Ukraine. She asked if Scott still had my extra money from last time and said she didn't want me to ask the same people for money. I asked everyone I knew, so I don't think asking other people is an option. God came through for me last time, I know he'll do the same if I end up going. I am just not sure what God wants for me right now. I have a meeting tomorrow about grad school, but I don't think He wants that for me. We'll see.

As you can tell, I'm sorta in a mood right now. I suppose everytime I post on here I am in some sort of mood. On postsecret there was a card that I continually find myself thinking about. It's the one about losing their dream home and saving their marriage. I wonder how ofter we put our possessions, our dreams, our hopes before others. I talked to Steven today about choosing money over my girlfriend Allison and going to the U of A instead of Texas A&M. I think about all the differences in my life if I would've gone there. Would I have an awesome job waiting for me? Would I still love her like I did? There's no way to ever know. I do know that I have some amazing friends here, I have experienced some amazing moments, dated some amazing people and still date an amazing girl. What if, though? What if?

I love you. Whoever you are that reads my posts. I think it's great you care enough about me to check this from time to time. I have a few people I don't really talk to enough and some have blogs I read. Others don't. Goodnight you.