An opening?

It's sleeting/snowing/raining here and it's less than 30 degrees. That could mean no school tomorrow! I might have a break! I already had one test canceled and that means I get all weekend to study for it. Sadly it was the one I was better prepared for. Now I'm stuck with just MDC and an electronics quiz. The quiz won't be bad, but the MDC...I don't even know. I've been looking over stuff for the past couple of hours and need a break. It's going to knock my socks off. I hope I can pull off a C at this point, but I'm secretly hoping for a B.

Well a new situation with the girl down in NO. It appears her ex-bf decided to come down and take some pictures and chill for a bit. Yay for me. It just doesn't seem right for someone to still want to chill with their ex. It's over, that stage of life is done with. Why keep whatever it was going? I mean I talk from time to time to some of my exs but normally it's just "hi how are you doing?". Great. I don't go out of my way to see any of them, I've thought about it a few times, but I don't go through with it. It's not that it's awkward or full of resentment or anything, it's just that the relationship ended for a reason and therefore the level of friendship has fallen. The longer I'm away from an ex, the less I want to go see her. The friendship decreased. I guess if one of my exs lived close I might stay closer, but none of them do. Plus two of them are married, one is engaged and one is in another relationship. I know I how I feel about exs and don't really want to start anything with her boyfriend, mainly cause I'd hate to waste the effort on a lost cause. I don't understand that about Meg's ex, why doesn't he respect me enough to get gone and stay gone? I know she's told him I don't like him hanging around, so I almost feel insulted by his lingering, chilling with her parents, etc. But maybe he knows what she wants more than I do. Maybe he knows that his friendship with her is important and I've not gotten that yet. I don't know, but it doesn't seem right. If that's what she wants though...

No time

This week is going to be wild and crazy, I can tell already. I will make it through though, thanks in part to a wonderfully supportive girlfriend. We had a great time over break. It started out with her driving down from Bentonville to see me for a whole 15minutes. I then returned the favor and drove up there to watch some basketball and chill with her family for a bit. Nice people those Mattys.

Anyways she came to LR on Wednesday night and we went to the game on Friday. We played horribly and the refs were really bad. We ended up losing and it just ruined my night, plus the fact Texas lost to A&M. Geez what's happening here? But we had a lot of fun. At one point Megan left the game because it was too much for her, pansy.

Saturday we chilled around the house, started some fires, sat in the hot tub, played basketball and just enjoyed being together. That's the great thing about being with ones you love, you don't have to think or care about anything else. Well at least that was my excuse. hehehe. Okay well I don't have time to be typing on here. I've got start studying for my test tomorrow in Mechanics of Materials and then finish my project for Lab 1 and then study for MDC and fluids and somewhere in there plan a movie night and do homework for MDC due Wednesday and study for electronics. CRAP! Well it's cool. I'm not single and I'm never alone and I control how good or bad my day is going to be. ;) love ya.

Almost there

Man today is my last day of classes for a whole 5 days! I'm so pumped about not going to dumb ol MDC or electronics. I'm not so pumped about all the studying and homework I'll be doing over the break. It's really not that much, but it's enough to cringe slightly at the thought of it. More than anything I'm pumped about seeing Megan AND going to the LSU game with her. It's going to be a great game with a wonderful girl.

It's funny how much more you're into someone after a fight and makeup session. Once again, I instigated it with my "snide little remarks" as Megan so affectionately calls them. It started this morning with me calling for our morning prayer and her not being able to talk for 10 minutes or so because she had to take care of some stuff. When she called 15 minutes later I was a little upset. It caused me to miss breakfast, which I hardly ever get to eat. I guess more than that, I felt she was putting me on the back burner. I know she was busy doing stuff for Operation Nehemiah, but I felt like I wasn't as important. I know, I've got a bit of a self-esteem problem, but I've never seen it this bad. I don't know what it is. I feel confident about everything but keeping her. I guess I feel like I really lucked out with her and that luck's bound to run out. I dunno honestly. I do know I can't wait to go home and sleep on my too short leather stick-to-your-back couch and sleep late and take a bath and work on my car and see my family and maybe even sit in the hot tub. Now that sounds GOOD! Oh and let's not forget Megan. I CAN NOT wait to see her. I bet she's more beautiful than I remember. Have a great break and don't work too hard. Life's too unexpected to be stressed all the time. <---that may be why I'm struggling with a C in two classes eh?

Rolling...or not?

Well Starksville was beautiful. The campus of MSU was really pretty and flat. The day couldn't have been more perfect. It was warm with enough of a breeze to keep things cool. We left around 12:15am from campus here on Saturday morning. I sat through one movie before I crashed out for the trip. Our driver was crazy, he kept slipping up and hitting the horn and he was bad about drifting over onto the bumps on the side of the road and causing the bus to shake. I got a few hours of sleep and it was nice. When we arrived at MSU we ate some breakfast and walked around campus. Like I said, it was a pretty campus, regardless of the construction. It reminded me alot of A&M, mainly because it was flat with not alot of trees and a lot of open places. Ah...A&M, the one that got away. Well I'll save that story for another day I suppose.

The game went well too, except we played like crap. MSU held us for a while and honestly they shut our offense down. Our first two TDs came from a kickoff return and an interception. Anywho the stadium sucked. I went to the bathroom and essentially the urinal was a ditch near the wall of the bathroom. It was crazy dumb. So after the game we had 45 minutes to load the busses again.

On the way back, I sat behind Vanessa and Ryan again. We voted to stop in about 3 hours to eat. Well our vote was vetoed by ASG and we stopped in about 1.5 hours toe at at Taco Bell or McDs. 30 minutes after we left there the second bus broke down. Its waterpump went out and we stopped at a gas station to wait on a new bus. 3.5 hours later the other bus arrived and we left, at 12am. From there we blew into Faytown and made it here by 6am or so. I staggered to the room, showered, email Megan and went to bed. I woke up around 1:30 and only then because I wanted to eat lunch on Brough. Yum yum.

I'm tired. I'm tired of schoolwork on weekends, I'm tired of trying to figure out about ski trip, I'm tired of my girlfriend being away, I'm tired of tests after breaks. I am TIRED.

slipping into oblivion

I'm upset right now. I'm not sure exactly what set me off, but I'm not happy. I guess it started with waking up being a little warm. The heat's on in my room and the window doesn't help me cool much. Next I decided to print some stuff off for my history class. So I send two (2) copies of each thing and, guess what, one of each shows up. How lucky am I? I click to print, twiddle my thumbs, count to a million and still no papers. I head off to class without my printouts. I take a quiz I studied for since last week and I'm pretty sure it ate my lunch. I don't f care which party who belonged to in 1953. I DON'T CARE! It will not help me AT ALL! So then I come up to the room, still no papers. I email resnet for the third time, tell them to give up and tell them how the printer should be scrapped. Then I head to lunch. It's Brough, so nothing good to eat. I settle for a burger, and an ice cream sandwich. I guess I should be happy I have something to eat right? Well no! I pay 7.25 for this CRAP! I'm not a poor kid in cambodia. Anywho I have lab now and I don't want to be late, so I suppose I should go and rupture some cans, and whatnot. I am so mad right now about this day. There's RFC devo tonight, but I'm not sure I want to go. I'll spare you from all my reasons.

SO things took a turn for the better. I just got out of lab, only 1.5 hours later. That's nice and I had a decent time in there. It's my last lab and that makes me SUPER happy. NExt week is Thanksgiving break for a whole (hold your breath) 3 days. That's right, for three days the University of Arkansas is going to let us unlock our shackles and relax. Too bad the professors don't do the same. I've got at least 2 tests the next week. Anywho I do get to see my girlfriend, which is going to be quite nice. But I won't even get started on that.

Woo Pig Sooieee

So the hogs won yesterday against Tennessee. It really wasn't even much of a game. I think we're now ranked number 5 or something in some polls. I don't know about that. I think the hogs are good, but they're not trustworthy. I'm not sure how much I'll ever trust them, but I am afraid from week to week that they're going to slip up and start playing like they normally do. We'll see I suppose. Nonetheless, the game was awesome. I got in line some Friday night and then go in line around 1130 on Saturday morning. It was pretty fun chillin there until the line converged into the mass of people. I was surrounded by idiotic drunk guys and some "not so smart" girls as well. It's rather annoying to have people drinking in public. They were cussing and yelling all sorts of things I felt ashamed of just hearing. I don't know why people feel they need to drink alcohol to be cool when really all they do is make themselves out to be idiots. I was deeply ashamed of those fans. At one point when one yelled something extremely offensive I lost it and turned around and told him to please not yell obsenities in my ear, and I didn't appreciate what he was saying. I turned around before he responded but I heard something about it being a football game and everyone doing it. That second line sounded oh so familiar. EVERYONE'S DOING IT! yay I think to when I said that to mom back in the day and the response of "well if everyone jumped off a bridge would you follow them?" I think back to that and realize how childish I was to think I needed to be just like everyone else to be cool. I know I probably still feel that way about some things, but I think now I know who I want to be and who helps me be that person a little better. I've got a great group of friends who each have something I want. From Kara always being in such a great mood to Jordan being so easy going to Joe just being fine being a dork. Now I know they probably all have things I don't want, but I know I like those things and they agree with my morals. I think being like everyone else is never a great thing, but then being yourself is many times reflected by who you hang out with. For instance, I don't particularly like reading but Megan does. Well I find myself more and more wanting to read stuff to have conversation pieces for her. I don't see that so much as not being myself as just trying something new for myself. It's good to grow and absorb things that can help your wellbeing. okay I don't think any of that made sense, but oh well. I'm trying to get to the fact that drinking excessively in public is dumb and it makes you look like less of a person. But I'm sure not everyone would agree with that.

Megan and I are struggling right now or maybe it's just me. I'm sick and tired of her not being here, mainly because she can't relate to things that are going on with me right now so she doesn't know what to say to make me feel better. Bless her for trying though, she's never been bad at that. Her perseverance is probably the real reason we're still together. I don't make it easy for her. I guess we're not struggling as far as keeping this together, but more struggling because we see each other's faults and call each other out on them. I don't know what to do. I miss her alot, because it's so much easier to handle it when she's telling me things face to face and I'm calling her out face to face. I miss her so much. I don't know what about her being here with me is what I need. Things just don't go wrong when she's around. She's so uplifting and loving. I've never been so close to someone and it's hard when that person isn't around to just smile because she knows why I'm saying what I'm saying or to hug me when she can see the disappointment in my facial expressions. I don't know if it's normal to miss someone like this. I don't know if there's something wrong here I don't see. Some sort of link missing in my life so that I need another person so bad. I'm afraid I'm too dependent on people, but I don't need her to function it just makes things overall more interesting and easy. I need someone here to slap me and tell me to smile or make me laugh so all my cares go out the door or threaten to leave if I don't study/do homework. Anyway, I'm going to prove to myself I can make a LDR work and I'm going to show that special someone how much I love her.

"you're the only one I ever believed in
the answer that could never be found,
the moment you decided to let love in."
-let love in -GooGoo Dolls

yummy

Cabin Crash 2006

This weekend utterly destroyed any notions of fun I had beforehand. It was AMAZING! It started with an excellent drive down some curvy mountain roads with a posse of beautiful cars behind me. We stopped at Fred's in Yellville and acted so dumb. Then we arrived and built a fire and I had an angel jump into my arms and kiss me. We had an excellent meal and then played a game called "dirty minds". After the realization that my team was going to rock all the other teams, we decided to not keep score but just play and laugh and see what happened. The laughter culminated with Chris Deal laughing so hard he was crying and couldn't read the "dirty" clues. It was so good times. We all retired rather early, 2 or so I think. There were barely enough beds, but no one complained. I got to cuddle next to my amazing girlfriend and I knew everyone in the cabin knew there was no foul play going on in our room. It's an amazing thing to crawl into bed with your girlfriend and know that no rumors will be started because everyone knows you well enough to know you're not going to do anything "bad".

Saturday started off rather early, with the early bird Ms. Matty waking me up to cook breakfast for everyone. We had breakfast and then a quick lunch and Megan and I went to Mtn. Home to watch her brother play some basketball. As soon as we got to the gym, her dad took me back to their house to unload some stuff from a trailer. We had a nice chat and I decided I'm really not so afraid of her dad, even though I feel like he's trying to break my hand everytime we shake. After the game, we ran to get some groceries for fajitas. We then met back up with most of the group to watch Saw III. It was much more gory than the others, but still quite good. The end infuriated me, but of course had a nice twist. Then the whole group met up at Meg's new house to eat and watch the Hogs play. The game was close towards the end, which made for a nice suspenseful game. We had some amazing chicken fajitas and cheese dip and great company at the Matty household. Both her mom and dad were extremely nice, no surprise and invited us back anytime we could. We then headed back to the cabin and played some Mafia. That didn't last long, as everyone was tired and we had church the next morning.

Church was something else. Everyone was up and going and we drove down an extremely curvy and wet road to the Caney church of Christ. It was a small church of about 40 or so people, so when we walked in with 9 people, it was interesting. Everyone behaved themselves well and we went back to the cabin for lunch. Around 2 or so everyone started cleaning up and packing. They left around 3. I stayed behind for some alone time with Megan. We cleaned the cabin up and then napped for a bit. I had homework due Monday so I had to leave around 6pm. It could've possibly been the hardest thing I've done in a long, long time. I fought back tears, to no avail and drove off. The ride back was full of thinking and a bit of sadness. It won't be nearly as long until I see her again and I kind of feel like she's finally starting to miss me like I miss her. She's already talking about the next time we see each other. Hopefully we are able to spend lots of time over xmas break together, cause spring semester is going to be SUPER tough with her in Germany. I'm glad I'm making some good relationships with new people to keep me smiling and comforted.

Speaking of new friends, this one isn't too new but a great blessing in my life right now. She's been like a little sister to me since we really met and a few people have noted that she could easily fill the part. Kara Moore and I talk quite often and today we spent about 30 minutes talking about relationships and religion and our Christian paths. She's struggling with stagnation in faith and I feel like I'm on the diving board about to spring at the right opportunity. I recently started praying with Megan more often and we're also carrying on a Bible study of acts right now. I feel so confident in our relationship when I get done discussing the Bible or talking to God with her. My small group Bible study on Thursday night has been a huge blessing. It's growing by the week and I'm very happy to see God working through it. Recently a good friend of mine, Steven, asked me about attenting devo with me on Tuesday nights and getting more involved with church. I hope that this will lead to another spirit revived in Christ. Friends are an amazing thing and I love them all, especially my best friend in the whole, wide world-Megan.

I'm so excited...

I don't have much to say at this ungodly hour except that I'm thinking nonstop about seeing Megan this weekend and partying it up at the cabin with everyone. I'm a little upset about Vanessa and Ryan bailing at the last minute, but it'll be their losses. I'm ready to do it!