Woo Pig Sooieee

So the hogs won yesterday against Tennessee. It really wasn't even much of a game. I think we're now ranked number 5 or something in some polls. I don't know about that. I think the hogs are good, but they're not trustworthy. I'm not sure how much I'll ever trust them, but I am afraid from week to week that they're going to slip up and start playing like they normally do. We'll see I suppose. Nonetheless, the game was awesome. I got in line some Friday night and then go in line around 1130 on Saturday morning. It was pretty fun chillin there until the line converged into the mass of people. I was surrounded by idiotic drunk guys and some "not so smart" girls as well. It's rather annoying to have people drinking in public. They were cussing and yelling all sorts of things I felt ashamed of just hearing. I don't know why people feel they need to drink alcohol to be cool when really all they do is make themselves out to be idiots. I was deeply ashamed of those fans. At one point when one yelled something extremely offensive I lost it and turned around and told him to please not yell obsenities in my ear, and I didn't appreciate what he was saying. I turned around before he responded but I heard something about it being a football game and everyone doing it. That second line sounded oh so familiar. EVERYONE'S DOING IT! yay I think to when I said that to mom back in the day and the response of "well if everyone jumped off a bridge would you follow them?" I think back to that and realize how childish I was to think I needed to be just like everyone else to be cool. I know I probably still feel that way about some things, but I think now I know who I want to be and who helps me be that person a little better. I've got a great group of friends who each have something I want. From Kara always being in such a great mood to Jordan being so easy going to Joe just being fine being a dork. Now I know they probably all have things I don't want, but I know I like those things and they agree with my morals. I think being like everyone else is never a great thing, but then being yourself is many times reflected by who you hang out with. For instance, I don't particularly like reading but Megan does. Well I find myself more and more wanting to read stuff to have conversation pieces for her. I don't see that so much as not being myself as just trying something new for myself. It's good to grow and absorb things that can help your wellbeing. okay I don't think any of that made sense, but oh well. I'm trying to get to the fact that drinking excessively in public is dumb and it makes you look like less of a person. But I'm sure not everyone would agree with that.

Megan and I are struggling right now or maybe it's just me. I'm sick and tired of her not being here, mainly because she can't relate to things that are going on with me right now so she doesn't know what to say to make me feel better. Bless her for trying though, she's never been bad at that. Her perseverance is probably the real reason we're still together. I don't make it easy for her. I guess we're not struggling as far as keeping this together, but more struggling because we see each other's faults and call each other out on them. I don't know what to do. I miss her alot, because it's so much easier to handle it when she's telling me things face to face and I'm calling her out face to face. I miss her so much. I don't know what about her being here with me is what I need. Things just don't go wrong when she's around. She's so uplifting and loving. I've never been so close to someone and it's hard when that person isn't around to just smile because she knows why I'm saying what I'm saying or to hug me when she can see the disappointment in my facial expressions. I don't know if it's normal to miss someone like this. I don't know if there's something wrong here I don't see. Some sort of link missing in my life so that I need another person so bad. I'm afraid I'm too dependent on people, but I don't need her to function it just makes things overall more interesting and easy. I need someone here to slap me and tell me to smile or make me laugh so all my cares go out the door or threaten to leave if I don't study/do homework. Anyway, I'm going to prove to myself I can make a LDR work and I'm going to show that special someone how much I love her.

"you're the only one I ever believed in
the answer that could never be found,
the moment you decided to let love in."
-let love in -GooGoo Dolls