Almost there

Finally, a break! I finished up most of my homework for this week and I have, hopefully, no more tests or quizzes for a little bit. I was really stressed on Tuesday night, but now I'm floating. Meg's going to be here tomorrow and I'm sooooooo (^100) excited. I've missed her dearly and had thoughts from time to time of whether it's worth it, but I've decided it is worth it. She's more than I could ever expect to get on my own, which is why I thank God for her every chance I get. I could honestly go on about her for about a 805 words, but I'll spare you to the mushy details. I didn't talk to her on the phone today until midnight and I gotta tell you, I missed not talking to her before that. I watch Tokyo Drift, which we watched in theaters this summer, and thought about my car, in the shop, and her. She's such an amazing girl, that Megan.

Enough of that. This weekend's looking to be quite promising. Going camping with the RFCs for
Friday night, BBandBBQ on Saturday night and Megan's going to be around all weekend!!! It's funny that this keeps going back to her, but now that my car's MIA and work is down, she's numero uno in my book. We actually had our first date at bike, blues and bbq last year. I bought her some bbq and only had enough money left over to get myself a drink. I was so nervous and kept planning every touch: a gentle touch on the back through crowds, a bump here and there. You know I still do that from time to time, which is what amazes me about this relationship. I still compete for her, still get jittery when I meet up with her, still can't believe she's interested.

Football practice was today too. It was quite interesting with all 8 of us there. Most people had excuses, but a few did not and that's what really aggrivates me. Honestly with just the 8 of us, we couldnt get most of the things I'd like done. We always have fun though and I really respect those who make it to practice so regularly. I know how busy ppl get. Boy do I know.

Yay Engineering!

Man today was a toughie. I got to sleep more because I didn't work, and I thought the day was going to go good. It started out nice. I met some nice twins in history and the class was actually interesting. So everything was good. Then I went to meet up with my lab group and got stuff ready for our report. That came along nicely and we turned it in on time. Lab itself was a bit pointless, but we still had some fun. Then I left lab and started homework due tomorrow. I started at 6 or so and I'm done now at 945. My eyes burn and my brain hurts. I miss my girlfriend and there's a possibility I don't see her this weekend as much as I'd like. I don't know what to think about that and personally I'm not going to think anymore about it. My thinking has been shot for the day. And it all started so good.

Jealousy

I've got a problem I've decided. I am a jealous boyfriend. I've always been protective of my girlfriends, but never this much. It infuriates me to think about Megan's ex chilling with her or talking to her. I don't know why really. So I took steps and I know Megan's password to her mail account and I check it from time to time. So everything was going great, I had times I thought she was kinda putting me off to talk to other people, but I was always wrong and things were going good. Then I get on there today and notice an email to her ex thanking him for something or another and realize she's not talking to him on chat or email, so that leaves one option-phone. That's something I can't really monitor. Geez when I say that, I sound like a real Big Brother type boyfriend. Maybe I am.
Why am I so bent out of shape over this? I know she's mine, but yet I still get mad about this stupid stuff. I don't know what to do. I feel like breaking up will hurt me more than help me, but yet I hate to constantly rag her about dumb stuff like this. I don't know, i just don't know. I will try to hold my temper, my tongue and whatever else, but I feel like a failure for once again feeling this way about him and her. WHY? What am I afraid of? Honestly? 'fraid of being replaced? Jealous of him dating her longer than me? What is it? So many things are going on right now, I can't think of this. Actually writing this is helping me alot. I need a break and I need to see Megan again. Besides that, I'm great. I'm healthy, good looking (hehehe) and happy.
Happiness...that's what it's all about. I'm so happy being a servant to Megan. When I make her smile, I feel like a million dollars. That's why I will fight this to the end, because she deserves no less than mine or anyone else's best and I enjoy trying to give it to her. That is one thing I will cling to until the day this relationship crashes down. As long as I can keep that front and center and keep moving on, I know she'll keep loving me. And love will go a long, long way. I feel better. Thanks blog.

Gawd....

This is so stupid! The U of A has once again taken the students into account and not planned any breaks from now until Thanksgiving. I swear, sometimes I wonder who's keeping this place running. But then I wonder who keeps me running sometimes too. Like now, for instance. I slacked off on Monday and Tuesday. Enjoyed myself and now I'm paying for it like a madman. WHY?!?!? For the chance to get B.S. Mechanical engineering on my degree? So I can go out into the work place and my employer doesn't have to teach me all new stuff, just refreshers on everything? Well here's to hoping EVERYTHING I'm learning will be put into use in my life. Cause I swear if this electronics stuff which is eating my lunch doesn't get put into use, I'm going to curse the day I enrolled.

Wow! I actually feel much better now. I don't really feel the need to discuss the fact that I am, once again, in a long distance relationship, cause now my venting is done and over. But honestly, what kind of sick card have I been dealt that I fall madly in love with girls who live/move hours away? As I type this, I wonder if breaking up would be best for us. I know she's guilted by me all the time and I know I feel like poop alot because she's not here. But if we were to break up, then I'd be giving up and this monster would win again. That's not going to happen dear chum. Distance is NOT going to get this relationship. Honestly, it has been the leading factor in at least two breakups and probably contributed to a few others in some way or another. So the questions is "Is Megan worth it?". I've dealt with pain when it comes to her before, but it was relatively short lived compared to this. The problem is that distance is really the only thing that is the problem here. Yeah she's not always prioritizing me like I'd like, but then I can't be first in her life all the time. I know I don't always put her first, but she knows I would if I could. I wish I could just jump in her head and see how much being apart from me pains her. Cause I think knowing that she's missing me like I miss her would help alot. But we all know that can't happen. I'm just going to go by faith that she's doing what she can to be with me without being outrageous. But then is coming to see me ever outrageous? I suppose so. It's all good. I just feel sorry for her when she gets back up here for good, cause I'm going to be a puppy for a while and follow her everywhere. hehehe. That sounds like fun. oh, I've discovered bold! This is going to be fun.
I've got to get to work on some mechEmat or something productive like that. I love college, it's too bad I don't have time for it. I could just sit here and stare at the pics Megan sent me. I swear that smile could bring world powers to their knees.

Experience?

So today is the career fair, thus launching my hunt for an internship for this summer. I've been looking at a few websites and so far both companies aren't showing much promise for anything. One company only has stuff open in Wichita, which is a desolate place and the other doesn't have anything open I'd be interested in. I went to a little talk this evening about resumes and searching for a career and it was really cool. I enjoyed it quite thoroughly. Anyways, today was kinda a nice break. I really didn't have anything extremely important to do besides getting my resume ready for tomorrow. I guess we'll see how that goes. I'm a bit worried since I have NO engineering experience and I'm not real skilled in anything either. Maybe just walking into a job isn't going to be so easy.

Weekend

This was a great weekend! I didn't get alot done, but then it's the weekend and I shouldn't have to do anything on the weekend. I hung out with the girls all day Saturday, watching football and having a good time. Then I came back to the dorm and then 3 hours later went back to their place, by their begging, to watch a movie. We stayed up late, but I'm not feeling too bad. Today I got quite a bit done, including studying for a test tomorrow and a little homework due tomorrow.
Then it got hairy. I went to Hall Senate with a shirt design. This design was due by Friday to the Senate President. So I hassled my main man artist and he finally, after putting some school stuff on hold, and got me a beautiful shirt designed. So I submitted it and then tonight we voted on it. Well the design we voted against basically was the same design with three different variables and then mine. The part which really aggrivates me is the fact that people voted on a design which wasn't even completed. The shirt won and they had NO clue exactly what it was going to look like. UGH!!! I am so fed up with politics!
I'm going to have an awesome weekend and I can't wait to see my girl in two weeks. I miss her alot, but don't tell her that. hehehe

Tiredness

Man I'm glad Friday is tomorrow bc I am beat! It's been a long week. I had a quiz today in history, which I blew off, and regretted it. Then tomorrow I've got a quiz in fluids, but I think I'll ace it. Monday is a test fluids, followed by a test in MechEMat. Add that to the fact that I've got homework due in MDC Monday and it makes for an awesome weekend. You know I was looking at some car stuff today and I've decided I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's tough, but I think it will pay off in the end, at least I hope so. I've been working on my resume some and I've got to get it ready for the job fair Tuesday. I'm a bit worried because I don't have much experience in engineering besides my legoes and rockets I used to build.
So as you can see I've got a ton of stuff to do and then add that to my dwindling social life and it gets crazy. I'm going over to Nelly's Saturday to make monkey bread, got a razorback party at Vanessa's and then I've also got to drop my car off at the tranny place. Add that to practice on Friday, basketball Friday night and a weekend of studying and you get a nice slice of busybee pie.

Joys of life

I was sitting in my icebox of a room this morning when it was raining outside and I thought about how wonderful it was this one time I went camping. We stayed in this little girlscout tent and we could open up all the sides. Well it rained all night and I woke up early the next morning, like 7 or so and just sat there on the edge of the platform looking at the trees as the rain splattered from leaf to leaf. It was a cool, summer morning and I wrote about it. I don't know what happened to those writings, but the feelings I had that morning never got lost. I'd give almost anything to be back there in that time when everything was just waking up but nestled in because of the cool rain.
I experienced God in that moment. I saw Him in the beauty of it all, which is something I don't do much. I think that's what people mean when they say "stop to smell the roses." I hope you get a chance to stop and experience God's wonderful creation. I'm not an outdoorsy type guy most of the time, but it seems when you meet the right people or you're in the right places you can get to like it much, much more. Have a great day!

POSTSECRET
I just visited the postsecret site and it's kinda sad to see the secrets people have that they are afraid to tell. It makes me think about all the things I've wanted to tell people and how I've been afraid to tell them. Usually it's not something that would just crush anyone, but something the other person maybe suspects but doesn't straightup know. Anyways, just wanted to share that site with you guys and maybe you'll read something that makes you strong enough to tell some one something you've been afraid to say. Do it, even if it doesn't turn out like you'd like, you feel much better about it. Have a good week.

Sunday

I think it's interesting how you can basically decide at the beginning of the day whether you will have a good day or a bad day. I woke up this morning and I was still tired, and I thought about skipping church. Well I ended up going, thanks to Jason and I had to sit in the back. So I sat all church in an uncomfortable bench and the preacher talked about meeting new people. I decided I would try it out. I talked to a lady named Judy and the third thing she said to me will forever stay in my mind. She said, "if you ever need ANYTHING, money, food or anything I am here to support you." I barely knew this lady and she said that. I don't know why exactly, but it touched me. I also met her friend Ms. Hooper who is a widow who doesn't remember how long she's live in Fayetteville. She just got a new cell phone, but doesn't know how to use it and doesn't even know her phone number. After I left them, I pointed two or three other RFCS in their direction and Judy didn't say that to anyone else. Just me! That's what church is about ladies and gentlemen. When we step into that building, tent, temple, school building, house, whatever, we meet with family. We all have the same father and that makes us closer than any other sort of relationship.
So after church I foregoed my fasting and decided to eat at some Mexican place with some brothers and sisters of mine and had a lot of good laughs. Now I'm sitting down to do some homework and study and honestly, nothing could ruin my day. I miss Megan soooo much for some reason, but I'm going to do alright. If you read this and have spare 30 seconds say a quick prayer for me to be productive and know God is ALWAYS with me.

facebook!

I can't believe people are freaking out about facebook. Honestly, the only new thing is that now I don't have to check your profile all the time to see what's changed. I honestly like it, because I don't have to spend as much time to see what everyone is doing. If you've got a problem with it, quit doing stuff on there. Whatever you post could possibly be seen by everyone.
It's finally FRIDAY! For only being 4 days this was a long week. I have to say that for four days I sure missed Megan lots, but I'm finally starting to manage okay. I do admit I don't send her as many messages/emails/etc as I would like, but I don't want to freak her out. Plus it's easier sometimes to cope if you don't have as much contact. Cope...well it's not that bad, but I am lonely from time to time.
Anyways, I hope this weekend goes productively.
I've got a test in MDC Wednesday, but besides that not much to worry about this weekend, outside of the normal amount of homework. Hope you have a good one.

late nights

Well I had planned on typing more tonight, but homework at 3 am takes longer than you would expect. So Megan's been gone for 3 days and I miss her dearly. I guess it's time for me to suck it up and deal, though.
On a lighter note, I finally got Drew's xbox today and that makes me VERY happy. I think when I have something to work for, I do better in class. Before, I really had nothing to do my homework for and it took me all day. Now I know the less I spend doing homework, the more time I get to race on Xbox. Anyways, since I'm at the desk I can't play much X so I need to work on homework. Have a great day and a wonderful weekend. My dad's coming in and I'm super excited to chill with him.

So waiting in line for a game that the Razorbacks will lose sucks, but waiting in line for anything with a lovely friend is worth everything.

New stuff

I thought about how I don't really keep a journal and decided I'd start one on here. I know it could be wiped out in a catastrophic electrical storm, but I think I'll take my chances.