Jealousy

I've got a problem I've decided. I am a jealous boyfriend. I've always been protective of my girlfriends, but never this much. It infuriates me to think about Megan's ex chilling with her or talking to her. I don't know why really. So I took steps and I know Megan's password to her mail account and I check it from time to time. So everything was going great, I had times I thought she was kinda putting me off to talk to other people, but I was always wrong and things were going good. Then I get on there today and notice an email to her ex thanking him for something or another and realize she's not talking to him on chat or email, so that leaves one option-phone. That's something I can't really monitor. Geez when I say that, I sound like a real Big Brother type boyfriend. Maybe I am.
Why am I so bent out of shape over this? I know she's mine, but yet I still get mad about this stupid stuff. I don't know what to do. I feel like breaking up will hurt me more than help me, but yet I hate to constantly rag her about dumb stuff like this. I don't know, i just don't know. I will try to hold my temper, my tongue and whatever else, but I feel like a failure for once again feeling this way about him and her. WHY? What am I afraid of? Honestly? 'fraid of being replaced? Jealous of him dating her longer than me? What is it? So many things are going on right now, I can't think of this. Actually writing this is helping me alot. I need a break and I need to see Megan again. Besides that, I'm great. I'm healthy, good looking (hehehe) and happy.
Happiness...that's what it's all about. I'm so happy being a servant to Megan. When I make her smile, I feel like a million dollars. That's why I will fight this to the end, because she deserves no less than mine or anyone else's best and I enjoy trying to give it to her. That is one thing I will cling to until the day this relationship crashes down. As long as I can keep that front and center and keep moving on, I know she'll keep loving me. And love will go a long, long way. I feel better. Thanks blog.