Maybe I'm not

I'm not really that good of a person I don't think. I get grudges and hope things go wrong for that person or group. I won't mention the groups or people, but I sometimes get stuck on breaking things into chaos or hoping things don't go well. I don't know why.

So it's nice to be with friends and girls again. hehehe. I'm looking forward to hitting the slopes and getting my mind off recent girl events in my life. Speaking of that, I don't know my current mindset on that. I'm not sure if I'm mad or sad or happy. Maybe a little bit of all of them, but mostly I've got quite a bit of unresolved anger. The ex boyfriend issue still pisses me off and I'm not even dating the girl, that's partially why I don't want to talk to her anytime soon. If she wants to talk, she's welcome to contact me, but otherwise I don't see the point. When I decided to date her, I essentially forfeited the chance to be good friends in the future. Close-minded, I'm sure, but that's how I feel. I'm still hurt from the relationship abuses and I don't want to fix stuff right now.

I'm super pumped about snowboarding. I've got a bit of anxiety about it, but I'm also ready for another challenge. It's going to be a mental battle. Last year I got really discouraged after everyone picked up skiing so well and I couldn't get boarding, but I'm ready to do it this year. Im going to try for some tricks or two and hit the blues super hard this year. I hit them some last year, but I'm going to live on them this year and maybe hit a black or two. Honestly everyone boasting about blacks annoys me, because blacks aren't what I feel snowboarders build up to. We build up to tricks and whatnot. You skiers can go as fast as you want and carve and whatever it is you do, but I'll stick to my rails and jumps. Got it?! Good. I'll kill you otherwise. =)

Hiking tomorrow is going to be some fun stuff.