Leaving...in a trailblazer

I'm packed and ready to roll to good ol' Greeley. I'm pumped about this year, although it's a smaller group. We're going hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park the 2nd and that'll be a blast. I've got my massive coat ready, three sets of gloves and some thermals fabricated for the depths of outer space cold. Yeah, I'm ready. Looks like the trip there will be tons of fun. It's been blizzarding in Kansas and Colorado all during the Christmas break. Should be fun trekking through that jazz.

Mena with Kara was pretty fun. We found two nice little coffee joints. One was really cozy and the other not so much, but it had wi-fi. too bad I couldn't merge the two. We also found a nice little park, but due to my hands being filled with "fissures" I couldn't play much. Sad, I know. It was rainy too. We ate at McDs and also Pizza hut. McDs was filled with old people and Pizza Hut was filled with Mena's finest citizens-the rednecks. It was fun though and I look forward to hitting those shops again sometime. Speaking of those shops, I got a nice coffee drink with NO coffee. It was amazing. Really sweet and caramelly. Yum!

Well that's really all I got. It's nice to be back in Faytown with the wireless internet and restauraunts and sushi. I ate too much.

My post secrets

We all have secrets. Thank you for helping me feel confident enough to let you in on them. Megan, you will always be remembered as the most wonderful girl I've ever met. Don' t ever let that change. To all my friends (Megan included), you have no idea how much you mean to me. Just being in the same room as all of you makes me feel 100 times better. Thank you for your smiles, laughs and hugs.

Almost a new day, almost a new year

Now that that's over, here's what else is going down in my life. I just got back from Dallas today. Man it's been a long day. I drove some, but mostly just slept in the car. I'm looking forward to a full day here eventually, although it won't be for the next two days at least. I've got a doctor to gripe at tomorrow about my bloody fingertips and a good friend to hug on Friday. Yay!

I watched V for Vendetta again today and it still makes me want to dress up and march up to Parking and Transit to protest. Oh well, another lifetime perhaps. Speaking of lifetime...okay this is totally not related but I did some research and I might go study in Cairo fall 07. I've always loved Egypt and stuff and there seems to be a good program there. It'll be tough to pull, but hopefully with an internship this summer I will be able to afford it. Well that's all I've got now. I was a little down earlier about being out in the middle of nothingness again, but then I remembered I've got a chainsaw and a bow and some matches. What I can do with those, only McGuiver can figure out but it's bound to be fun.

One last thing. So I just got back from NO this past week and I've never had to defend my work more than ever in the past couple of days. Most of the stuff people said is probably true, but there are still one out of every ten who honestly deserves some help. I drove through Hope this afternoon and there had to have been over 5,000 trailers there in a field just rotting. ROTTING! I'm talking nice looking trailers too. Actual trailers and a few campers. All seemed nice, but were starting to wear. It seems FEMA can buy trailers, but can't actually transport them. Smarties, those guys. At least they tried eh? Well anyways. If you're from New Orleans and you somehow stumbled on this, welcome. Know that I pray for you on a regular basis. I think you should help each other out more, but I know you're also very devastated and stressed.
I hope some nice group of volunteers down there can find you, hug you and start rebuilding your life. Oh yeah and if the Saints win the Super Bowl, the NFL is rigged. Merry Christmas and a wonderfully prosperous New Year.

This is the blind seer, seeing his way into a new year, one post at a time and probably a few posts early.

catching up

12-26-06
Well I saw “Night at the Museum” today with everyone. It was funny in parts, but not as funny as I thought it would be. It was a bit slow to start too. I then went to Big Pop’s where I got some money and one of those pillows that has the speaker built in to allow you to lay on it and listen to your iPod. I liked it, but it was royal purple. PURPLE! I might give it as a gift. Who knows? Speaking of gifts, I tried twice to return one today and both were failures. I was trying to get rid of a UT comforter. It’s nice and all and I like it, but it’s too big and I don’t need it right now as much as I need the money. I NEED me some money. It’s weird how even when I have money, I don’t like to spend it on myself, only on other people. Okay that’s not totally true, I like to buy food. That’s really it. It’s why at the end of the day I’m broke with nothing to show for it. Sad.

I’m not ready to leave here. We’re going home tomorrow because Cory’s girl is coming to town, Chelsea has basketball practice and I’ve got an appointment on the 28th with a dumb hand doctor who will tell me there is nothing he can do but give me more lotion or shoot me in my hand. Losers, those doctors.

Well that’s really it. I did experience some joy today when my grandpa told me about his younger days of being in the Korean War. He did communications. I asked him if he knew Morse Code and he grinned from ear to ear and said “yeah I do. I was in school for 18 months to learn that.” Good times talking to old people. I also swung by Krystal’s and got some amazing little burger. YUM! I finally completed all my Christmas shopping too, although I’m looking for a nice metal briefcase for my laptop still. Oh well.


12-25-06
Well I’m in the big D. It’s nice to be back here where it’s dry and flat and windy. I’ve missed the smell of this place, the people and my grandma. The movies here are really cheap and I’ve been to see “The Holiday” and “Eragon”. Both were surprisingly good. I liked the second one for it’s story and the first for it’s effects and cinematics. It was a well spent six dollars. I also watched the movie “Click” last night with Adam Sandler and I’m not ashamed to say I cried. It was a bit crude at times, but the story was really good and I saw the love of my own parents at times in the movie. It was really good for being an Adam Sandler movie.

It’s been a good Christmas. For the first time I’m not expecting things as much as I’m just enjoying seeing family and being with them. I won’t lie that I want to just set my mom straight from time to time about certain things, but all in all it’s good stuff. I did mention I miss my friends, my other family, but it’s great being with my dad and arguing with my mom and watching my sister admire me out of the corner of her eye and seeing Cory all grown up.

Speaking of Megan, I don’t know what we are now. We’re dating still but we’re not exclusive. I feel like a total hoe for doing that, but I really love her for who she is, but I can’t handle her being away all the time. I barely made it through last semester, I was so depressed, and I can’t do that again. I don’t want to totally break things off with her; she’s so great. I also don’t want to be “left” here while she’s out traveling the world and not missing me nearly as much as I miss her. I just don’t know. I’ve broken up with two great girls because of distance and I hate it. I just can’t handle it without someone around to constantly reassure me of how good I am and hold me when I have a bad day. Back to Megan. She just can’t seem to figure out how to do those things from a distance, but maybe I’m just too harsh on her. I don’t know. I am going to date around if I find anyone who seems nice, but I feel bad because I feel like I’ll just be dating that person until Meg gets back. She’s worth waiting on, but I’m not strong enough. I can’t do it. I’m too selfish and jealous and suspicious and insecure. I am so strong on the outside, but inside I’m in a corner balled up and shivering.

Woo! Done gutting for a bit. Man my hands and back hurt. I swear when you bring a crowbar down on a sink, it hurts if the sink doesn't give. But yeah we finished up a house yesterday and it was very satisfying. It's amazing because on Tuesday we knocked the bejeezes out of that house. We were rolling, with our awesome respirators and all that jazz. Then on Wednesday, we peaked and it was slow rollings. We were tired. It took us like three hours to finish denailing and taking down the ceilings. It was slow rollings. After we finished that house, some of the group left and we proceeded to another house. Inside were three massive (read 3ft tall) piles of blown-in insulation. We bagged some of it, removed the hot water heater and the tubs and toilets and left. It was raining. The crazy part about this area was it was next to a natural swamp area. It looked like a disaster zone. All the trees were blown around and dead. The road was half grown over and you couldn't tell there were houses there, until we exited the interstate and drove in. The home owners told us that water stayed in the house for 9 weeks! You could tell, and we had to use the high tech masks because the mold was SO bad. The home owners were super nice and gladly talked about the situation.

Today started like most days in NO, cloudy and cooler. The only difference is that it was raining and had been raining for a long time. I walked outside and the pathway was under water. I went out front and a manhole cover had been knocked off the sewers by water gushing from it. It was insane. Water was at least a foot deep in most places. Meg and I drove to a lady's house and at one point pushed water with her truck. It was DEEP and also flowing pretty rapidly. The basement of the place we stayed was also taking on water. It is so wild in places under sea level, although I doubt that's the entire story.

That's really all I've got about NO for now and for a while. Not sure if I told you about the poor homeless guy pooping on the corner at an intersection we were stopped at. It was funny, but really sad more than anything. I feel for the people in NO even more if stuff like that is commonplace. The people seem to have lots of hope and that's encouraging, because it's the strong people who are going to have to help all the rest in the city. I believe those strong people can be found at Carrollton Church of Christ. The people are lively, encouraging and really nice. I don't agree with the rebuilding of a city under sea level, but I do agree that if people are going to try then we shouldn't take that away from thenm and we should encourage them because they are trying, and not giving up. So many people would just leave and not come back, but those people see more. They see a town that represents what they stand for and is their home.

Meg was pretty overloaded for the time I was there. She was somewhat snappy at times and it really bothered me, but we had a nice little pow-wow last night and settled the issues. It came down to a little bit of me being a jerk and a little bit of her being herself. She's trying, though, and that's all I can ask and she really wants to be the best girlfriend she can, it's just hard for her sometimes. I don't know what I'm going to do about her being gone next semester, but I do know I'm not going to make it with the relationship like it is. I don't want to go to an open relationship, but I know I can't handle another semester like this last one. I'm not sure what to do. We'll discuss it some more and see what comes of it. Anywho, I'm glad to be relaxing now.

New Orleans or Bust

Okay I've got a ton of stuff to catch up on. I'm in NO for a few days. I've been here since Wednesday. I'll start with that. The trip here was really fun. I rode with Powveria, Carrie, and Courtney. I've never met Courtney previously, but she was a bit quiet but pretty cool. So on Thursday I rode with Megan to City Hall to talk to the head of the building license code. He was an M.E. from the U of A and old. He was really cool and told us how it was and what the problem was. He said lots of people came from all over the place to help "rebuild New Orleans". He would confront them and tell them that they really just wanted to come and make lots of money. He also told me a story about a lady who called about not getting any money for her house. He said that she told him she'd received two checks. He asked for how much and she responded that they totaled over 200K. He asked her if she had a huge house or a double or what and she replied that her house was a single and she thought it was worth more. After we left there, we went to babysit for a bit. The kids were a lot of fun, even though one of them was scared of me and super attached to Megan. To tell both sides of the story, the couple we babysat for had just bought a new house preKatrina. They now live in a small apartment and are working on rebuilding their house. We watched the kids while they worked on it. They were really nice and the kids were a lot of fun. More RFCs arrived, we went out to eat and then came back to sleep.

The next day we started gutting. We hit a double and worked on both sides, after we hit a small garage and totally emptied it. The house was fun, as we took crowbars, shovels and hammers to every single wall. WILD! Jordan Hurst was running around looking for anything left of walls and taking them out. Pow and I worked in the kitchen removing flooring and wall panels. It was fun, but the doctor's masks were hot and didn't work real great. So we've been doing things like this everyday since I've been here. I get up earlier than most, to help Megan prepare stuff for the groups. We make sandwiches, load trailers and all that jazz. We work until 4 or so and then go out on the town or just chill.

Last night we went to the French Quarter to sing Christmas Carols and then Meg and I went out to eat at some Cajun place. I had a nice piece of catfish with some shrimp etoufee. It was really good stuff. Tonight we are extremely tired and I plan on helping prepare stuff for tomorrow so I can sleep late. It's been really fun and a great eye opener. I don't really work for the people here, I work for God and that's what keeps me working when the residents aren't around or don't bother helping us. The house today was really big and had lots of glasses and plates. I took some shot glasses, as the owner only wanted to throw it all out. I also found immense pleasure in breaking some glass, which literally exploded in my hands. Fun stuff.

One last note, Megan's been really good. It took me a bit to understand just how busy and important she is here. People are always looking for her, including me. I try not to tag along everywhere she goes, but I look most forward to chilling with her. I will try to post again before we leave, but EVERYONE here is constantly on here and it annoys me so I try to avoid it.

I just got done hanging out with a great girl friend of mine for the past 4 hours. I'll be honest I thought it was going to be a bit weird, bc we don't hang out much, but it turned out to be pretty good. I got alot of weight off my shoulders with her, because she tells me things too and I know we have alot of trust from knowing the other person could black mail us. hehe. It was good times and I did a little outpouring of things in my life and honestly just flow of conscientiousness. Good stuff that spell checker.

So I'm officially finished with my fall semester of Junior year. It's nice to know I'm almost to the time of another big change. I'll be leaving my great friends here and watching as we all grow up in our own ways and directions. I'll make all new friends at work or graduate school or where ever. It's exciting, scary and amazing! I hope to make it back to the greatest country in the world-Texas. hehehe.

So anywho my final final was today. It was hard, but I feel pretty decent about it. The professor said he's be happy if the highest grade on it was an 80%. Crazy huh? I didn't think it was that hard, but who knows? Not I. I don't much right now, except
1)that I suck at guitar hero
2) caffeine is my archenemy and friend,
3)talking to people who listen and respond is great,
4)friends make life worth it all, close friends make it even better,
5)the world is too large for me to possible go everywhere I want to go, but too small for me not to try,
6) I should've worked harder in high school,
7) Sarah Clark's late night taco-bell runs rock my socks off, and
8) a great roommate like Jordan is a roommate that everyone wants but few people get.

Thanks for listening/reading. I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I have some postsecrets I made, but I feel like making them helps me more than posting them and I don't know how people would respond if they knew my inner thoughts on matters.

Have a wonderful Christmas break, Kara, Megan, Jordan, Sarah, and whoever else reads this that I don't know about. I hope that through my trials, failures and successes you learned something or grew a bit yourself. This is Paul Blair BB Bart Einstein Shelton signing off for a little while.

Almost done!!!

Woooo! I am almost finished with this semester of torture. Geez, I've never struggled so much with classes totally unrelated to my major. I just got done studying for electronics for like four hours with Chris, Joe and Steven. Honestly I got more done with Chris in the 1.5 hours it was just us than the entire time with everyone else. That kid knows how to knock studying out. Geez...I'm totally ready for this mo-fo test. Bring it Dr Schaper, bring IT!

This weekend's been rather crazy. I don't know where to start, so I'll start with last night going to change Sarah's tire. I loaded Steven, Kara and Jordan all into my sexy, fast, little car and drove to toy-r-us. I changed her tire, got paid (woot) and left. Then, instead of going home, I drove to Kristin and Vanessa's house. I knocked and invited myself inside. We chatted and lo and behold Kara showed up! We chatted some more and Steven showed up and then short after Jordan showed up. So they were totally off guard, so it got awkward. I decided to leave and I really did. I got in my car and drove off. Later everyone called me and needed a ride for various "reasons" and I picked them up. We drove to Blockbuster, got "History of Violence" and left. We swang by V and K's and told them goodnight and came back here to watch it. Not a bad movie, but two awkward sex scenes, including some 69 and some stair sex. Weird.

Okay I'm tired of talking about my weekend. Had a nice little pow-wow with Megan today and basically decided I'm not ready to call it quits yet. I love the girl, just not always the girlfriend. Know what I'm saying? I wish I could just make things go better, but it's never that way. I wish I could get her to send that 30 second, pointless email to show she cares. Actually I don't really even want that, I just want to be able to understand how she shows she cares. I can't seem to catch on, however, and it makes things somewhat miserable at times. But then we're together
and it all falls into place. Is that normal? Is this normal? Well I guess I can't compare anything to this relationship with as many "not normal" things as we have.

"why you gotta go make things so complicated?" =)

Hm...I think not

I get down about stuff sometimes. I never can seem to pinpoint it, but I do. It really doesn't matter how good my day is going or how great my friends are, I just feel grumpy. Tonight I went over to Joe's for some amazing food. I shared some laughs and talked about the ladies with my guy friends and ate lots of nice pink red meat. It was good. I walked back through the chilly weather and went to the room. Jordan's worried about his grades. He doesn't say it outright, but I know he is. He's just sad he can't study like he would like to. I can relate. I walked to the hper and played some ball. It went well, but for some reason as I sat there I just really started missing affection. I wanted to hold someone's hand or hug someone a great big hug, maybe even a juicy kiss. There was none there though. Absolutely none, zero, zilch, nil. Sad. Kara tells me how she feels alone sometimes even when all her friends are there and she's having a good time. I can relate. I wish I didn't feel that way sometimes, but I do. I won't say Megan eliminates that, but I don't believe I've ever felt that way with her around.

I'm not sure I'm okay. I think too much and my imagination plays with me. I'm jealous, selfish and proud. I can be bossy and I lie sometimes about stretching stories more than they are. I rely too much on my girlfriend, always have, to be there for me. I feel incomplete without her here. I don't always feel like people in my life realize how much I love/admire/treasure them. Probably never will. I wish Megan knew how much she means to me. No I didn't have to quit playing pool to talk to you, I wanted to. I didn't have to skip out on the movie, I wanted to. I don't have to send you letters, pictures, leave notes, or flowers to worry about your Christmas present, but I do. Is that so bad? Can you feel too much for someone? Meg's the first one I've been able to shell out everything I've got and she doesn't run off. Kudos to you, Megan, kudos to you. The problem with shelling it out, is you secretly inside do it so you might get it returned. She's trying, but I don't often take enough notice of that and I get upset sometimes. She's done the best of anyone I've dated yet. Could anyone do better? I don't know. I made a postsecret for her once. I had it up here for a little bit, but I took it down. I took it down because it was so shallow. So demanding and demoralizing almost, but for the time it was up, it felt good. I felt liberated, because I finally found a way to show myself how I am.

So the RFCs seem to be a topic of much interest to me right now. For some reason or another I don't "feel at home with the RFCs" anymore. I feel like certain people are very fake. I know of one person who was fake and I'm glad that that person is starting to see who they really are and want others to see. The problem is I can't really pinpoint what it is about the RFCs that bothers me. Maybe I'm just an immature Christian and mature Christians aggrivate me. I hope that's not the case, but I wonder whether it's all just me being stupid. It's me being proud and selfish. I wish I knew and could grow out of whatever it was. I'll pray about it, I do all the time and I know God will reveal it to me. I hope it's soon, before I go nuts about it. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I don't know who you are, but to know someone reads it makes me happy.

trembling...

I'm scared. I won't lie. I took a test this morning I thought I was ready for and bombed it. Now I'm getting ready for a test that I can't study for. It's impossible. I worked homework, looked over lectures, notes, examples. I need to do great on both tests to save myself a lot of pain later. It's sad but at this point I'll take a C in MDC, but a B in fluids is unacceptable. I need a massive curve on that mug to get an A, but I think Dr. Davis is a good one to put in power for that. I hope I'm right.

An opening?

It's sleeting/snowing/raining here and it's less than 30 degrees. That could mean no school tomorrow! I might have a break! I already had one test canceled and that means I get all weekend to study for it. Sadly it was the one I was better prepared for. Now I'm stuck with just MDC and an electronics quiz. The quiz won't be bad, but the MDC...I don't even know. I've been looking over stuff for the past couple of hours and need a break. It's going to knock my socks off. I hope I can pull off a C at this point, but I'm secretly hoping for a B.

Well a new situation with the girl down in NO. It appears her ex-bf decided to come down and take some pictures and chill for a bit. Yay for me. It just doesn't seem right for someone to still want to chill with their ex. It's over, that stage of life is done with. Why keep whatever it was going? I mean I talk from time to time to some of my exs but normally it's just "hi how are you doing?". Great. I don't go out of my way to see any of them, I've thought about it a few times, but I don't go through with it. It's not that it's awkward or full of resentment or anything, it's just that the relationship ended for a reason and therefore the level of friendship has fallen. The longer I'm away from an ex, the less I want to go see her. The friendship decreased. I guess if one of my exs lived close I might stay closer, but none of them do. Plus two of them are married, one is engaged and one is in another relationship. I know I how I feel about exs and don't really want to start anything with her boyfriend, mainly cause I'd hate to waste the effort on a lost cause. I don't understand that about Meg's ex, why doesn't he respect me enough to get gone and stay gone? I know she's told him I don't like him hanging around, so I almost feel insulted by his lingering, chilling with her parents, etc. But maybe he knows what she wants more than I do. Maybe he knows that his friendship with her is important and I've not gotten that yet. I don't know, but it doesn't seem right. If that's what she wants though...

No time

This week is going to be wild and crazy, I can tell already. I will make it through though, thanks in part to a wonderfully supportive girlfriend. We had a great time over break. It started out with her driving down from Bentonville to see me for a whole 15minutes. I then returned the favor and drove up there to watch some basketball and chill with her family for a bit. Nice people those Mattys.

Anyways she came to LR on Wednesday night and we went to the game on Friday. We played horribly and the refs were really bad. We ended up losing and it just ruined my night, plus the fact Texas lost to A&M. Geez what's happening here? But we had a lot of fun. At one point Megan left the game because it was too much for her, pansy.

Saturday we chilled around the house, started some fires, sat in the hot tub, played basketball and just enjoyed being together. That's the great thing about being with ones you love, you don't have to think or care about anything else. Well at least that was my excuse. hehehe. Okay well I don't have time to be typing on here. I've got start studying for my test tomorrow in Mechanics of Materials and then finish my project for Lab 1 and then study for MDC and fluids and somewhere in there plan a movie night and do homework for MDC due Wednesday and study for electronics. CRAP! Well it's cool. I'm not single and I'm never alone and I control how good or bad my day is going to be. ;) love ya.

Almost there

Man today is my last day of classes for a whole 5 days! I'm so pumped about not going to dumb ol MDC or electronics. I'm not so pumped about all the studying and homework I'll be doing over the break. It's really not that much, but it's enough to cringe slightly at the thought of it. More than anything I'm pumped about seeing Megan AND going to the LSU game with her. It's going to be a great game with a wonderful girl.

It's funny how much more you're into someone after a fight and makeup session. Once again, I instigated it with my "snide little remarks" as Megan so affectionately calls them. It started this morning with me calling for our morning prayer and her not being able to talk for 10 minutes or so because she had to take care of some stuff. When she called 15 minutes later I was a little upset. It caused me to miss breakfast, which I hardly ever get to eat. I guess more than that, I felt she was putting me on the back burner. I know she was busy doing stuff for Operation Nehemiah, but I felt like I wasn't as important. I know, I've got a bit of a self-esteem problem, but I've never seen it this bad. I don't know what it is. I feel confident about everything but keeping her. I guess I feel like I really lucked out with her and that luck's bound to run out. I dunno honestly. I do know I can't wait to go home and sleep on my too short leather stick-to-your-back couch and sleep late and take a bath and work on my car and see my family and maybe even sit in the hot tub. Now that sounds GOOD! Oh and let's not forget Megan. I CAN NOT wait to see her. I bet she's more beautiful than I remember. Have a great break and don't work too hard. Life's too unexpected to be stressed all the time. <---that may be why I'm struggling with a C in two classes eh?

Rolling...or not?

Well Starksville was beautiful. The campus of MSU was really pretty and flat. The day couldn't have been more perfect. It was warm with enough of a breeze to keep things cool. We left around 12:15am from campus here on Saturday morning. I sat through one movie before I crashed out for the trip. Our driver was crazy, he kept slipping up and hitting the horn and he was bad about drifting over onto the bumps on the side of the road and causing the bus to shake. I got a few hours of sleep and it was nice. When we arrived at MSU we ate some breakfast and walked around campus. Like I said, it was a pretty campus, regardless of the construction. It reminded me alot of A&M, mainly because it was flat with not alot of trees and a lot of open places. Ah...A&M, the one that got away. Well I'll save that story for another day I suppose.

The game went well too, except we played like crap. MSU held us for a while and honestly they shut our offense down. Our first two TDs came from a kickoff return and an interception. Anywho the stadium sucked. I went to the bathroom and essentially the urinal was a ditch near the wall of the bathroom. It was crazy dumb. So after the game we had 45 minutes to load the busses again.

On the way back, I sat behind Vanessa and Ryan again. We voted to stop in about 3 hours to eat. Well our vote was vetoed by ASG and we stopped in about 1.5 hours toe at at Taco Bell or McDs. 30 minutes after we left there the second bus broke down. Its waterpump went out and we stopped at a gas station to wait on a new bus. 3.5 hours later the other bus arrived and we left, at 12am. From there we blew into Faytown and made it here by 6am or so. I staggered to the room, showered, email Megan and went to bed. I woke up around 1:30 and only then because I wanted to eat lunch on Brough. Yum yum.

I'm tired. I'm tired of schoolwork on weekends, I'm tired of trying to figure out about ski trip, I'm tired of my girlfriend being away, I'm tired of tests after breaks. I am TIRED.

slipping into oblivion

I'm upset right now. I'm not sure exactly what set me off, but I'm not happy. I guess it started with waking up being a little warm. The heat's on in my room and the window doesn't help me cool much. Next I decided to print some stuff off for my history class. So I send two (2) copies of each thing and, guess what, one of each shows up. How lucky am I? I click to print, twiddle my thumbs, count to a million and still no papers. I head off to class without my printouts. I take a quiz I studied for since last week and I'm pretty sure it ate my lunch. I don't f care which party who belonged to in 1953. I DON'T CARE! It will not help me AT ALL! So then I come up to the room, still no papers. I email resnet for the third time, tell them to give up and tell them how the printer should be scrapped. Then I head to lunch. It's Brough, so nothing good to eat. I settle for a burger, and an ice cream sandwich. I guess I should be happy I have something to eat right? Well no! I pay 7.25 for this CRAP! I'm not a poor kid in cambodia. Anywho I have lab now and I don't want to be late, so I suppose I should go and rupture some cans, and whatnot. I am so mad right now about this day. There's RFC devo tonight, but I'm not sure I want to go. I'll spare you from all my reasons.

SO things took a turn for the better. I just got out of lab, only 1.5 hours later. That's nice and I had a decent time in there. It's my last lab and that makes me SUPER happy. NExt week is Thanksgiving break for a whole (hold your breath) 3 days. That's right, for three days the University of Arkansas is going to let us unlock our shackles and relax. Too bad the professors don't do the same. I've got at least 2 tests the next week. Anywho I do get to see my girlfriend, which is going to be quite nice. But I won't even get started on that.

Woo Pig Sooieee

So the hogs won yesterday against Tennessee. It really wasn't even much of a game. I think we're now ranked number 5 or something in some polls. I don't know about that. I think the hogs are good, but they're not trustworthy. I'm not sure how much I'll ever trust them, but I am afraid from week to week that they're going to slip up and start playing like they normally do. We'll see I suppose. Nonetheless, the game was awesome. I got in line some Friday night and then go in line around 1130 on Saturday morning. It was pretty fun chillin there until the line converged into the mass of people. I was surrounded by idiotic drunk guys and some "not so smart" girls as well. It's rather annoying to have people drinking in public. They were cussing and yelling all sorts of things I felt ashamed of just hearing. I don't know why people feel they need to drink alcohol to be cool when really all they do is make themselves out to be idiots. I was deeply ashamed of those fans. At one point when one yelled something extremely offensive I lost it and turned around and told him to please not yell obsenities in my ear, and I didn't appreciate what he was saying. I turned around before he responded but I heard something about it being a football game and everyone doing it. That second line sounded oh so familiar. EVERYONE'S DOING IT! yay I think to when I said that to mom back in the day and the response of "well if everyone jumped off a bridge would you follow them?" I think back to that and realize how childish I was to think I needed to be just like everyone else to be cool. I know I probably still feel that way about some things, but I think now I know who I want to be and who helps me be that person a little better. I've got a great group of friends who each have something I want. From Kara always being in such a great mood to Jordan being so easy going to Joe just being fine being a dork. Now I know they probably all have things I don't want, but I know I like those things and they agree with my morals. I think being like everyone else is never a great thing, but then being yourself is many times reflected by who you hang out with. For instance, I don't particularly like reading but Megan does. Well I find myself more and more wanting to read stuff to have conversation pieces for her. I don't see that so much as not being myself as just trying something new for myself. It's good to grow and absorb things that can help your wellbeing. okay I don't think any of that made sense, but oh well. I'm trying to get to the fact that drinking excessively in public is dumb and it makes you look like less of a person. But I'm sure not everyone would agree with that.

Megan and I are struggling right now or maybe it's just me. I'm sick and tired of her not being here, mainly because she can't relate to things that are going on with me right now so she doesn't know what to say to make me feel better. Bless her for trying though, she's never been bad at that. Her perseverance is probably the real reason we're still together. I don't make it easy for her. I guess we're not struggling as far as keeping this together, but more struggling because we see each other's faults and call each other out on them. I don't know what to do. I miss her alot, because it's so much easier to handle it when she's telling me things face to face and I'm calling her out face to face. I miss her so much. I don't know what about her being here with me is what I need. Things just don't go wrong when she's around. She's so uplifting and loving. I've never been so close to someone and it's hard when that person isn't around to just smile because she knows why I'm saying what I'm saying or to hug me when she can see the disappointment in my facial expressions. I don't know if it's normal to miss someone like this. I don't know if there's something wrong here I don't see. Some sort of link missing in my life so that I need another person so bad. I'm afraid I'm too dependent on people, but I don't need her to function it just makes things overall more interesting and easy. I need someone here to slap me and tell me to smile or make me laugh so all my cares go out the door or threaten to leave if I don't study/do homework. Anyway, I'm going to prove to myself I can make a LDR work and I'm going to show that special someone how much I love her.

"you're the only one I ever believed in
the answer that could never be found,
the moment you decided to let love in."
-let love in -GooGoo Dolls

yummy

Cabin Crash 2006

This weekend utterly destroyed any notions of fun I had beforehand. It was AMAZING! It started with an excellent drive down some curvy mountain roads with a posse of beautiful cars behind me. We stopped at Fred's in Yellville and acted so dumb. Then we arrived and built a fire and I had an angel jump into my arms and kiss me. We had an excellent meal and then played a game called "dirty minds". After the realization that my team was going to rock all the other teams, we decided to not keep score but just play and laugh and see what happened. The laughter culminated with Chris Deal laughing so hard he was crying and couldn't read the "dirty" clues. It was so good times. We all retired rather early, 2 or so I think. There were barely enough beds, but no one complained. I got to cuddle next to my amazing girlfriend and I knew everyone in the cabin knew there was no foul play going on in our room. It's an amazing thing to crawl into bed with your girlfriend and know that no rumors will be started because everyone knows you well enough to know you're not going to do anything "bad".

Saturday started off rather early, with the early bird Ms. Matty waking me up to cook breakfast for everyone. We had breakfast and then a quick lunch and Megan and I went to Mtn. Home to watch her brother play some basketball. As soon as we got to the gym, her dad took me back to their house to unload some stuff from a trailer. We had a nice chat and I decided I'm really not so afraid of her dad, even though I feel like he's trying to break my hand everytime we shake. After the game, we ran to get some groceries for fajitas. We then met back up with most of the group to watch Saw III. It was much more gory than the others, but still quite good. The end infuriated me, but of course had a nice twist. Then the whole group met up at Meg's new house to eat and watch the Hogs play. The game was close towards the end, which made for a nice suspenseful game. We had some amazing chicken fajitas and cheese dip and great company at the Matty household. Both her mom and dad were extremely nice, no surprise and invited us back anytime we could. We then headed back to the cabin and played some Mafia. That didn't last long, as everyone was tired and we had church the next morning.

Church was something else. Everyone was up and going and we drove down an extremely curvy and wet road to the Caney church of Christ. It was a small church of about 40 or so people, so when we walked in with 9 people, it was interesting. Everyone behaved themselves well and we went back to the cabin for lunch. Around 2 or so everyone started cleaning up and packing. They left around 3. I stayed behind for some alone time with Megan. We cleaned the cabin up and then napped for a bit. I had homework due Monday so I had to leave around 6pm. It could've possibly been the hardest thing I've done in a long, long time. I fought back tears, to no avail and drove off. The ride back was full of thinking and a bit of sadness. It won't be nearly as long until I see her again and I kind of feel like she's finally starting to miss me like I miss her. She's already talking about the next time we see each other. Hopefully we are able to spend lots of time over xmas break together, cause spring semester is going to be SUPER tough with her in Germany. I'm glad I'm making some good relationships with new people to keep me smiling and comforted.

Speaking of new friends, this one isn't too new but a great blessing in my life right now. She's been like a little sister to me since we really met and a few people have noted that she could easily fill the part. Kara Moore and I talk quite often and today we spent about 30 minutes talking about relationships and religion and our Christian paths. She's struggling with stagnation in faith and I feel like I'm on the diving board about to spring at the right opportunity. I recently started praying with Megan more often and we're also carrying on a Bible study of acts right now. I feel so confident in our relationship when I get done discussing the Bible or talking to God with her. My small group Bible study on Thursday night has been a huge blessing. It's growing by the week and I'm very happy to see God working through it. Recently a good friend of mine, Steven, asked me about attenting devo with me on Tuesday nights and getting more involved with church. I hope that this will lead to another spirit revived in Christ. Friends are an amazing thing and I love them all, especially my best friend in the whole, wide world-Megan.

I'm so excited...

I don't have much to say at this ungodly hour except that I'm thinking nonstop about seeing Megan this weekend and partying it up at the cabin with everyone. I'm a little upset about Vanessa and Ryan bailing at the last minute, but it'll be their losses. I'm ready to do it!

Oh yeah

I've been struggling alot lately with jealousy/distrust and forgiveness. I don't know what has gotten into me. I've been doing a better job of containing it, but I still feel it nagging at me. I want so badly for it to disappear, but I guess I'm not there yet. I wish I didn't put Megan through the things I do because I can't deal, but I do nonetheless. I keep praying about it, and it seems to get better and then it plummets again. Sometimes it's triggers, but sometimes it just happens. Am I suppose to feel this way from time to time? I know I'm not normal but is feeling the way I feel sometimes normal? I'm trying...

Hm...I ponder shall I wander?

It's beautiful here. I'm not really a nature fanatic and most people would agree, but it's absolutely gorgeous here right now. The trees are in all sorts of shades of orange, red, yellow and green. I drove down Dickson this weekend and noted 27.4 people on Old Main lawn taking pictures. I should take a few myself and post them, but we'll see. I'm not sure there will be any leaves come tomorrow morning anyways after the MASSIVE wind today. I swear it grabbed my pants and carried me into some people. I could've flown a kite to the moon today. I'm sure the wind was blowing even in space. It blew so hard I kicked a soccer ball straight up from midfield and it score a goal for us. Crazy eh?

Speaking of crazy, I'm going crazy waiting for this weekend. I'm SO excited about seeing Megan and laying a big, wet juicy smile on her. That's right, it's big and since there's going to be some good food, it'll be wet too. So yeah I've been thinking of her for the past million years and I'm ready to see her in...egad! person. It's like waiting for Christmas, except no returns or snow or decorating a tree, and for that matter no wrapping paper...so I guess it's not like Christmas at all. Except that it will take FOREVER to get here.

Man I've got a ton to talk about on here. I think I'm honestly just avoiding my electronics homework. I will do it later today I suppose. So I'm kinda worried about this Xmas break. We're having a hard time deciding the arrangements for the 2nd annual ski trip to Jordan's house. Many ppl from last year aren't going and many more want to go. The problem arises in that we can't really split up the group too well and we can't have too many people going. I may end up calling a few guys, hopping into a car and just driving there. No planning. But the money comes into the picture. I'm really wanting to get some stuff for the ol' white lightening, so I dunno. I can feel some jealousy coming on for Megan being with the RFCs, so I've got to get a cap on that. I don't know if we'll be able to meet up for skiing this year or not. I'm so horribly bad, I'm not sure I want her to see me board. So if I were to go to the resort, we might ride a lift together and then I'd be on my own the rest of the time, which would defeat the purpose of going in the first place. So I'm not sure how it's all going to work out. What's to say we'll even be together then? So I guess I shouldn't worry about it until it gets here. I do know I want to go to Jordan's and board some more. Hm....well I think this is it for a bit. Halloween is today and I really don't have big plans. I wish she was here to go trick or treating with me. Otherwise it looks like no candy for me. I've got to work the Gregson basement halloween thing anywho. Over and OUT.

I want one....

Working on a full house...with a hand full of jacks

It's almost the weekend!!! This week wasn't too bad, or at least the latter part wasn't it. I had a a quiz and test Monday and a test Wednesday. I think I did decent on the one today but Monday's weren't too good. I'm going to struggle to pull A's in most of my classes, but after my last test in MechEMat I only need a 65 to get an A in there. I'm happy about that. So that and lab 1 and hopefully history will be As for sure. I don't know about MDC and electronics, it'll depend mostly on the curve in those classes. I've not been doing too great in either, but neither has anyone else. It just kinda stinks that I don't know how I'll end up in those classes. All I know is the rest of the week is up in the air. I've got nothing due, minus MDC which I am almost done with, until next week. I'm reviewing some electronics and reading history, but otherwise I'm finished for the week and that makes me very, very happy. It's a shame I didn't plan on going home this weekend, instead of sacrificing study time last weekend to go home.

I gotta tell ya, this long distance thing with Megan is getting old. I'm tired of everything. I sincerely like her, but geez another couple months of this and I'll be old and grey. It's not killing me, but it's a nuisance and it aggrivates me more than anything. I tried to avoid this situation and look what happens. I just keep thinking back to this one time she said something about us not being married and I agree 100% now. We're NOT married, so why do I deal with this poop? Love. I dunno why I can't keep my mind off her, why I can't not do things for her even when she doesn't return the favor. I do know that when I am tired and lonely, she's not around to hug me or give me a smile and tell me everything's going to be okay. But then, maybe I don't need that anyways. I guess the ultimate question right now is "Is she worth it?" Right now-yes, later-we'll see. Over and out.

Making it by

This week's gone by fast. It's not been too bad of a week. I had most of my tests/quizzes last week so this week is just a clean-up week. I do, however, have a test Friday in MechEMat and a test in fluids Monday, following my quiz in electronics. I am not too worried about the mm test, I've been studying all week. The fluids shouldn't be too tough either, but I'm going home this weekend so I don't know how much time I'll have to study. Electronics is still a self-taught class. I did some of the homework tonight and it isn't too bad, but I don't really know what we're doing in there. That seems to be the general consensus though. It kinda sucks having classes with curves, because I'm doing poorly in them, but I know if I can stay with or ahead of the pack I will be okay. It's that way in electronics- I've got a 60 or so but I know the highest average I've heard is a 73. That puts me around a B in there. So I dunno.

Tomorrow will mark one year for Megan and I. It's been a crazy year. I've been confronted by park rangers for starting fires, stood in front of St. Basil's cathedral, played in "caves", made more collages than ever before and never been happier. It's not always happiness though. I think back to this summer, with Megan going hiking. That was tough for me. I know God was watching out for me when he cut the first trip short and didn't allow the second one to happen. I've never been so proud of myself for allowing my girlfriend to do that and at the same time felt so violated. Those were some tough days, this summer. Now I'm here at Fayetteville, while she's down in New Orleans saving the world. hehehe, it's funny how I am always led blindly into relationships that involve distance. I'm going to stick this one out, I think. I gave up in the past and I regret it sometimes. Meg is too great/awesome to give up on. I know we'll have much more of this kind of thing to deal with in the future, but I know if I can make this and next semester, I'll be on the right path to dealing with problems later. Plus I'm discovering more about myself than I ever thought I would. I am seeing I do have a jealousy problem, I am too dependent on others for support and I need to spend more time with God. I've never prayed as much as I have this semester. Some days are just really tough for some reason, both because of classes and a loaded schedule and because of Meg being gone. I'm making it through them, though, thanks to God and our relationship. Megan's doing a great job of helping as well. Listening to my complaints, and never telling me to shut up. She really is great at that.

Anywho, I'm going home this weekend. It's my birthday on Saturday and we're going to *sigh* Magic Springs. I really don't know why my parents want me home, I suspect it is to keep me sober or something, but I'm hoping for a surprise. Like a huge banner wishing me a happy birthday or a large box with Megan secretly hiding in or a Lotus exige!!! How exciting! More than likely, they just want to keep me alcohol free for a few more days. I will get to see my other girlfriend, Patsie, at church. She should be about 5 ft tall and probably still jealous of Megan. hehehe, good times. Have a great weekend!

Craziness

It's been one crazy week and I'm happy it's almost over. I had a test in MDC which rocked my world. I thought I knew the stuff, but apparently none of us knew anything. It was a huge relief to have it over with though. Tomorrow is my midterm in history and it's an actual midterm, so I'm a little anxious to see how it goes. I've been studying on and off since last Thursday, so I think I'll do okay. I've just got to get a grip on everything's place in history.

Meg and I had a nice little discussion tonight. I really started something with no clue where I was going and once again felt a little less like a boyfriend afterwards. I swear she's perfect, but I always manage to find something to gripe about. She seldom asks anything of me, and I always seem to be asking her for stuff. I really don't know what my deal is. I've done the same things in the past, but never to this extent. I don't know where this relationship is going, but I hope I can find a way to improve things for us. I really enjoy every minute of talk with her, but it's when we're not talking that I start taking the off road courses. We've been together for almost a year and although I feel like we've grown in leaps and bounds, I feel we've got a long ways to go. Correction, I've got a long ways to go. I really need to learn to be more of a boyfriend in heart and mind and concentrate less on being the romantic guy. It does no good to be the sweetest thing in the world if I'm not going to back it up with something more substantial. I really do feel like I love her, but sometimes I wonder if I even know what love is to be saying I love her. I'm trying, nonetheless, and I know that's got to count for something. I'm going to try all I've got to be better than she'd ever expect.

Well I suppose it's off to work for me. It's going to be a fun shift, packed with suspence and glamour. I'll be getting ready for this history test, and doing lots of praying. After this it's smooth sailing and that is something I am VERY, VERY thankful for. Speaking of thankful, I talked to my dad today and he always brings a smile to face when he calls for little or no apparent reason. What a guy that dad of mine! I'm going home next weekend for my birthday and I'm actually really looking forward to it. Probably giving Cory's girl a ride to the house, so that'll make for an interesting ride. heheheh. Have a great day.

Where am I

I just finished watching "Lady in the Water" and I've got to tell you that the movie always gets to me. It's about finding your place in life, finding a purpose and it really inspires me to do more. Sometimes I struggle with being worth anything and finding the reason for myself, but that movie shows me that my true purpose might not being what I expect. It's not a typical movie, but you should watch it and watch it as more than just a movie. It's an idea.
Anyways, this week has been good. I had a quiz in history and that's really it. Next week, on the other hand, could be a little rough. I've got a test in history, one of two, and a test in MDC, one of seven or so. The history test is Thursday and I'm not too worried, although I WILL be studying. The MDC test is pretty crucial, but the real crucial one is the electronics quiz. I only have quizzes and the final in there. Right now I'm barely pulling a 52 in there, but hopefully I can knock out this quiz and do a little better. Pray for me.
Well it's been about five days since Meg left and I'm missing her. I missed her alot while watching that movie, bc I watched in theaters with her and we had a nice chat about it. Anywho, I'm stuck on some more mellow songs right now. I'd suggest
Congratulations- blue october
Chasing cars- snow patrol
I've been alternating between them alot, even though they're not really my genre of choice. I hope you have a great weekend and you tell someone you love them. It'll be better for everyone.

Bikes, Blues and a Lovely Girlfriend

This weekend was busy! First, Megan came into town on Friday, which was amazing. She gets more and more beautiful everytime I see her. We went to Fall retreat in Eureka Springs and it was great. I relaxed and had a lot of fun sitting around the fire, praying, hearing John Gay talk and sharing stories with everyone. It's so amazing to be in Christian fellowship with other people who are suffering just like me. I talked to Chris Nelson, who's girlfriend is in Greece. We had a nice chat about dealing with LDRs and I felt encouraged to know he's making it through. Granted he probably doesn't have the "go everywhere" girlfriend I do, but he presented some good ideas for communication. We left the retreat early and went to Bikes, Blue and Barbeque. That was great because it's basically where Megan and I started dating. Things just went from there and I haven't looked back.
Sunday we went to church and then ate at Smoky Bones. It was some good time bbq. I could actually use a little right now. Good stuff! Then we played some football at 6 and didn't do too great. Only 4 girls showed, but they played their butts off. Then it happened, Megan left. She wanted to get home to chill with her family, which I was a little jealous of, but I know they were happy to see her. Hopefully I won't find out that she hung out too much with "him" but we'll see. I'm so happy with her right now, I don't see it making things get too crazy.
Tonight we had another football game. It was a busy day for me: working homework, sleeping, etc. We played great in our game though. We went into overtime and ended up losing 27-24 to the number 2 team in the league, so I was pretty happy. I'd really like a W, but I guess we've got next week. Right now Joe is out and Jordan is at about 45%. They both hurt their ankles, so maybe they'll be healed up by next week. Anyways, I've got some other stuff to take care of before my shift is over. This is going to be nice week, as opposed to the past 3 or so. I do have a quiz in history on Thursday and a MDC test next Wednesday, but I'll take those in stride and try not to load myself down.

Almost there

Finally, a break! I finished up most of my homework for this week and I have, hopefully, no more tests or quizzes for a little bit. I was really stressed on Tuesday night, but now I'm floating. Meg's going to be here tomorrow and I'm sooooooo (^100) excited. I've missed her dearly and had thoughts from time to time of whether it's worth it, but I've decided it is worth it. She's more than I could ever expect to get on my own, which is why I thank God for her every chance I get. I could honestly go on about her for about a 805 words, but I'll spare you to the mushy details. I didn't talk to her on the phone today until midnight and I gotta tell you, I missed not talking to her before that. I watch Tokyo Drift, which we watched in theaters this summer, and thought about my car, in the shop, and her. She's such an amazing girl, that Megan.

Enough of that. This weekend's looking to be quite promising. Going camping with the RFCs for
Friday night, BBandBBQ on Saturday night and Megan's going to be around all weekend!!! It's funny that this keeps going back to her, but now that my car's MIA and work is down, she's numero uno in my book. We actually had our first date at bike, blues and bbq last year. I bought her some bbq and only had enough money left over to get myself a drink. I was so nervous and kept planning every touch: a gentle touch on the back through crowds, a bump here and there. You know I still do that from time to time, which is what amazes me about this relationship. I still compete for her, still get jittery when I meet up with her, still can't believe she's interested.

Football practice was today too. It was quite interesting with all 8 of us there. Most people had excuses, but a few did not and that's what really aggrivates me. Honestly with just the 8 of us, we couldnt get most of the things I'd like done. We always have fun though and I really respect those who make it to practice so regularly. I know how busy ppl get. Boy do I know.

Yay Engineering!

Man today was a toughie. I got to sleep more because I didn't work, and I thought the day was going to go good. It started out nice. I met some nice twins in history and the class was actually interesting. So everything was good. Then I went to meet up with my lab group and got stuff ready for our report. That came along nicely and we turned it in on time. Lab itself was a bit pointless, but we still had some fun. Then I left lab and started homework due tomorrow. I started at 6 or so and I'm done now at 945. My eyes burn and my brain hurts. I miss my girlfriend and there's a possibility I don't see her this weekend as much as I'd like. I don't know what to think about that and personally I'm not going to think anymore about it. My thinking has been shot for the day. And it all started so good.

Jealousy

I've got a problem I've decided. I am a jealous boyfriend. I've always been protective of my girlfriends, but never this much. It infuriates me to think about Megan's ex chilling with her or talking to her. I don't know why really. So I took steps and I know Megan's password to her mail account and I check it from time to time. So everything was going great, I had times I thought she was kinda putting me off to talk to other people, but I was always wrong and things were going good. Then I get on there today and notice an email to her ex thanking him for something or another and realize she's not talking to him on chat or email, so that leaves one option-phone. That's something I can't really monitor. Geez when I say that, I sound like a real Big Brother type boyfriend. Maybe I am.
Why am I so bent out of shape over this? I know she's mine, but yet I still get mad about this stupid stuff. I don't know what to do. I feel like breaking up will hurt me more than help me, but yet I hate to constantly rag her about dumb stuff like this. I don't know, i just don't know. I will try to hold my temper, my tongue and whatever else, but I feel like a failure for once again feeling this way about him and her. WHY? What am I afraid of? Honestly? 'fraid of being replaced? Jealous of him dating her longer than me? What is it? So many things are going on right now, I can't think of this. Actually writing this is helping me alot. I need a break and I need to see Megan again. Besides that, I'm great. I'm healthy, good looking (hehehe) and happy.
Happiness...that's what it's all about. I'm so happy being a servant to Megan. When I make her smile, I feel like a million dollars. That's why I will fight this to the end, because she deserves no less than mine or anyone else's best and I enjoy trying to give it to her. That is one thing I will cling to until the day this relationship crashes down. As long as I can keep that front and center and keep moving on, I know she'll keep loving me. And love will go a long, long way. I feel better. Thanks blog.

Gawd....

This is so stupid! The U of A has once again taken the students into account and not planned any breaks from now until Thanksgiving. I swear, sometimes I wonder who's keeping this place running. But then I wonder who keeps me running sometimes too. Like now, for instance. I slacked off on Monday and Tuesday. Enjoyed myself and now I'm paying for it like a madman. WHY?!?!? For the chance to get B.S. Mechanical engineering on my degree? So I can go out into the work place and my employer doesn't have to teach me all new stuff, just refreshers on everything? Well here's to hoping EVERYTHING I'm learning will be put into use in my life. Cause I swear if this electronics stuff which is eating my lunch doesn't get put into use, I'm going to curse the day I enrolled.

Wow! I actually feel much better now. I don't really feel the need to discuss the fact that I am, once again, in a long distance relationship, cause now my venting is done and over. But honestly, what kind of sick card have I been dealt that I fall madly in love with girls who live/move hours away? As I type this, I wonder if breaking up would be best for us. I know she's guilted by me all the time and I know I feel like poop alot because she's not here. But if we were to break up, then I'd be giving up and this monster would win again. That's not going to happen dear chum. Distance is NOT going to get this relationship. Honestly, it has been the leading factor in at least two breakups and probably contributed to a few others in some way or another. So the questions is "Is Megan worth it?". I've dealt with pain when it comes to her before, but it was relatively short lived compared to this. The problem is that distance is really the only thing that is the problem here. Yeah she's not always prioritizing me like I'd like, but then I can't be first in her life all the time. I know I don't always put her first, but she knows I would if I could. I wish I could just jump in her head and see how much being apart from me pains her. Cause I think knowing that she's missing me like I miss her would help alot. But we all know that can't happen. I'm just going to go by faith that she's doing what she can to be with me without being outrageous. But then is coming to see me ever outrageous? I suppose so. It's all good. I just feel sorry for her when she gets back up here for good, cause I'm going to be a puppy for a while and follow her everywhere. hehehe. That sounds like fun. oh, I've discovered bold! This is going to be fun.
I've got to get to work on some mechEmat or something productive like that. I love college, it's too bad I don't have time for it. I could just sit here and stare at the pics Megan sent me. I swear that smile could bring world powers to their knees.

Experience?

So today is the career fair, thus launching my hunt for an internship for this summer. I've been looking at a few websites and so far both companies aren't showing much promise for anything. One company only has stuff open in Wichita, which is a desolate place and the other doesn't have anything open I'd be interested in. I went to a little talk this evening about resumes and searching for a career and it was really cool. I enjoyed it quite thoroughly. Anyways, today was kinda a nice break. I really didn't have anything extremely important to do besides getting my resume ready for tomorrow. I guess we'll see how that goes. I'm a bit worried since I have NO engineering experience and I'm not real skilled in anything either. Maybe just walking into a job isn't going to be so easy.

Weekend

This was a great weekend! I didn't get alot done, but then it's the weekend and I shouldn't have to do anything on the weekend. I hung out with the girls all day Saturday, watching football and having a good time. Then I came back to the dorm and then 3 hours later went back to their place, by their begging, to watch a movie. We stayed up late, but I'm not feeling too bad. Today I got quite a bit done, including studying for a test tomorrow and a little homework due tomorrow.
Then it got hairy. I went to Hall Senate with a shirt design. This design was due by Friday to the Senate President. So I hassled my main man artist and he finally, after putting some school stuff on hold, and got me a beautiful shirt designed. So I submitted it and then tonight we voted on it. Well the design we voted against basically was the same design with three different variables and then mine. The part which really aggrivates me is the fact that people voted on a design which wasn't even completed. The shirt won and they had NO clue exactly what it was going to look like. UGH!!! I am so fed up with politics!
I'm going to have an awesome weekend and I can't wait to see my girl in two weeks. I miss her alot, but don't tell her that. hehehe

Tiredness

Man I'm glad Friday is tomorrow bc I am beat! It's been a long week. I had a quiz today in history, which I blew off, and regretted it. Then tomorrow I've got a quiz in fluids, but I think I'll ace it. Monday is a test fluids, followed by a test in MechEMat. Add that to the fact that I've got homework due in MDC Monday and it makes for an awesome weekend. You know I was looking at some car stuff today and I've decided I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's tough, but I think it will pay off in the end, at least I hope so. I've been working on my resume some and I've got to get it ready for the job fair Tuesday. I'm a bit worried because I don't have much experience in engineering besides my legoes and rockets I used to build.
So as you can see I've got a ton of stuff to do and then add that to my dwindling social life and it gets crazy. I'm going over to Nelly's Saturday to make monkey bread, got a razorback party at Vanessa's and then I've also got to drop my car off at the tranny place. Add that to practice on Friday, basketball Friday night and a weekend of studying and you get a nice slice of busybee pie.

Joys of life

I was sitting in my icebox of a room this morning when it was raining outside and I thought about how wonderful it was this one time I went camping. We stayed in this little girlscout tent and we could open up all the sides. Well it rained all night and I woke up early the next morning, like 7 or so and just sat there on the edge of the platform looking at the trees as the rain splattered from leaf to leaf. It was a cool, summer morning and I wrote about it. I don't know what happened to those writings, but the feelings I had that morning never got lost. I'd give almost anything to be back there in that time when everything was just waking up but nestled in because of the cool rain.
I experienced God in that moment. I saw Him in the beauty of it all, which is something I don't do much. I think that's what people mean when they say "stop to smell the roses." I hope you get a chance to stop and experience God's wonderful creation. I'm not an outdoorsy type guy most of the time, but it seems when you meet the right people or you're in the right places you can get to like it much, much more. Have a great day!

POSTSECRET
I just visited the postsecret site and it's kinda sad to see the secrets people have that they are afraid to tell. It makes me think about all the things I've wanted to tell people and how I've been afraid to tell them. Usually it's not something that would just crush anyone, but something the other person maybe suspects but doesn't straightup know. Anyways, just wanted to share that site with you guys and maybe you'll read something that makes you strong enough to tell some one something you've been afraid to say. Do it, even if it doesn't turn out like you'd like, you feel much better about it. Have a good week.

Sunday

I think it's interesting how you can basically decide at the beginning of the day whether you will have a good day or a bad day. I woke up this morning and I was still tired, and I thought about skipping church. Well I ended up going, thanks to Jason and I had to sit in the back. So I sat all church in an uncomfortable bench and the preacher talked about meeting new people. I decided I would try it out. I talked to a lady named Judy and the third thing she said to me will forever stay in my mind. She said, "if you ever need ANYTHING, money, food or anything I am here to support you." I barely knew this lady and she said that. I don't know why exactly, but it touched me. I also met her friend Ms. Hooper who is a widow who doesn't remember how long she's live in Fayetteville. She just got a new cell phone, but doesn't know how to use it and doesn't even know her phone number. After I left them, I pointed two or three other RFCS in their direction and Judy didn't say that to anyone else. Just me! That's what church is about ladies and gentlemen. When we step into that building, tent, temple, school building, house, whatever, we meet with family. We all have the same father and that makes us closer than any other sort of relationship.
So after church I foregoed my fasting and decided to eat at some Mexican place with some brothers and sisters of mine and had a lot of good laughs. Now I'm sitting down to do some homework and study and honestly, nothing could ruin my day. I miss Megan soooo much for some reason, but I'm going to do alright. If you read this and have spare 30 seconds say a quick prayer for me to be productive and know God is ALWAYS with me.

facebook!

I can't believe people are freaking out about facebook. Honestly, the only new thing is that now I don't have to check your profile all the time to see what's changed. I honestly like it, because I don't have to spend as much time to see what everyone is doing. If you've got a problem with it, quit doing stuff on there. Whatever you post could possibly be seen by everyone.
It's finally FRIDAY! For only being 4 days this was a long week. I have to say that for four days I sure missed Megan lots, but I'm finally starting to manage okay. I do admit I don't send her as many messages/emails/etc as I would like, but I don't want to freak her out. Plus it's easier sometimes to cope if you don't have as much contact. Cope...well it's not that bad, but I am lonely from time to time.
Anyways, I hope this weekend goes productively.
I've got a test in MDC Wednesday, but besides that not much to worry about this weekend, outside of the normal amount of homework. Hope you have a good one.

late nights

Well I had planned on typing more tonight, but homework at 3 am takes longer than you would expect. So Megan's been gone for 3 days and I miss her dearly. I guess it's time for me to suck it up and deal, though.
On a lighter note, I finally got Drew's xbox today and that makes me VERY happy. I think when I have something to work for, I do better in class. Before, I really had nothing to do my homework for and it took me all day. Now I know the less I spend doing homework, the more time I get to race on Xbox. Anyways, since I'm at the desk I can't play much X so I need to work on homework. Have a great day and a wonderful weekend. My dad's coming in and I'm super excited to chill with him.

So waiting in line for a game that the Razorbacks will lose sucks, but waiting in line for anything with a lovely friend is worth everything.

New stuff

I thought about how I don't really keep a journal and decided I'd start one on here. I know it could be wiped out in a catastrophic electrical storm, but I think I'll take my chances.